The "WOW!" of Vows

Vows. Promises. Word of Honour. We are familiar with them. We would have made some vows, some promises and words of honour at various times of our lives to various people: Our spouses, our employers, our country (through the pledge), even our parents and friends.

Question is: What is the real significance when we uttered those vows and promises? Is it still relevant in the modern 21st century where people no longer take their vows and promises seriously in the light of a self-serving environment? Yes, ours is the proverbial “I’ll do my best, but NO PROMISES…” Sounds familiar? You just hate it when someone disclaimed their liabilities and make light their expectation to deliver. In other words, is there a wow factor in the vow anymore in these age?

I believe there is meaning and purpose behind every well-crafted vow and promise. It is the purpose behind these words that give them significance. Essentially, it is an agreement and determination to be true and stay true. The Bible calls this consecration. Set aside. To be given priority. To be held above all else.

Is this mentality the driving force of your vows and promises – to be true and stay true? Even when the circumstances when you made those vows have changed? I drew inspirations from the sermon I heard 2 week ago about the Nazirite vow. The nature might be different but I think the application is the same.

Recently, I heard and witnessed a lot of couples struggling to keep their marriage intact and in place. Some resented their spouse. Some rejected each other already. Some get distracted by third parties and abandoned their first love. Some claimed that they have tried and exhausted all means for reconciliation.

Bullshit!
Excuses!!
Liars!!!!!!!

Truth is: They just don't want to...

Some becomes outlaws with their in-laws. Joking still, some said, "Divorce? Never! Murder? Maybe!" Husbands and wives stayed on the lifeless marriage because of the house, the kids, the finances, even ...the dog. Sad but true. How to salvage?

I believe we need to return to the very first altar when things began. Go back to the history. Why we get together in the first place? Let’s examine the basic tenets of the vow and then cast it against the backdrop of our marital vow.

A. It is all about BEING DEDICATED TO

When one make a vow (to a spouse), it is meant to be wholly dedicated to him or her. Or in another version, says “to belong to in a special way”. There are 4 possible reasons why someone would dedicate to another as spouse:

To make a ransom demand: “I dedicate myself to you, and you MUST DO THIS AND THIS….” A spouse-napper.
To gain a reward: “I dedicate myself to you so that you WILL GIVE ME…OR I WANT THIS….” A Things-Lover.
To repay a favour: “I dedicate myself to you because you HAVE DONE THIS FOR ME…..........” A grateful-partner.
A committed love response: “I dedicate myself to you because I want to bless you and make your joy my No.1 priority”.
A True Lover.

Don’t be a Things-Lover or Spouse-napper.

B. It is all about BEING SEPARATED FROM

When you study it, the Marriage Vow has at least 4 interesting features:

1. It is unique and exclusive. (Forsaking all, be faithful to ONE)
2. It is public. (In the presence of God and these witnesses…)
3. It is costly. (In sickness or health, through good/ bad times, for better/ worst, in plenty/ in want…no matter come what may… )
4. It is temporal. (as in till death do us part and be re-united when Christ returns)

Don’t let anything come in between the marriage. The union is non-negotiable. Divorce is not an option. Don’t make convenient excuses and look for way out at the very first sign of trouble. That is the summation of the vows. Being “separated from” others to be “alone with” each other.

C. It is all about BEING DESTINED FOR

When two individuals got married, the two shall become one. Problems start when the couples ask, “Which one”? Answer: Christ. That is the eventual destiny of the couple. One for another, both for the LORD (these were the words engraved on the inside of our wedding bands). There is a higher upward agenda then just mastering transitions from young married to old grandparents. When both couple seeks to draw near and imitate Christ, the two shall become spiritually one, not just mere physical or mental or social oneness. The vow seeks unity and oneness in Christ.

Inadvertently, when the vow is threatened or broken, I believe God has made provision for reinstatement, through a journey of healing and restoration by grace through faith and scriptures. I will not dwell on inner healing here. The main focus here is the centrality of the vow.

For young couples starting out, remember the vow you took. They are sacred. Don't lose sight.

For older couples who are struggling, remember the vow you took. Consecrate yourself anew and afresh to each other. Don't lose hope. Don’t give up, or give in to temptations. Be willing to pay the price, any price, to finish well.

Go.
Press on.
Dedicate yourself to God.
Consecrate your marriage again.
The goal is to not just start but finish well.
The bumps on the road are what we climb on to progress.
A good and strong marriage takes lots of effort and sacrifice….and… it is worth everything.

Unemployment - Hope for Those Between Jobs

Unemployment. Retrenchment. Job loss. All these increase a person's risk of depression and self-doubt. Different people react differently to unemployment, or the possibility of it. When word is out that their company is planning a major downsizing, or when the actual retrenchment comes, some feel vulnerable and anxious. Some are concerned about providing for family. Others are depressed that they cannot afford to continue to live in luxury. Still others are bitter that they got axed.

Whatever the emotions, being without job or unemployed is painful.

In the current global financial crisis and recession, it is inevitable that we will know of friends and loved ones who are (or will be) affected by retrenchment. How is the retrenched person to cope? What can we as friends do?

I would like to approach this sensitive issue from two front: First, my response as a friend, and second, the response as a retrenched person.

1. Response as a Friend.

We must be understanding. Job loss put people of all ages and social status into a period of agonizing uncertainty.
We must be encouraging. It is a tough period of life. A warm friendship that gently points a person to God or to some source of hope is comforting.
We must be sensitive. Don’t assume that the person can join you in outings, vacations or eating out as readily as before. Genuinely offer to pay for them (especially those with children)
We must be helpful. Perhaps you know of a temporary job to recommend. Or volunteer to take the kids out. Or offer some practical helps. It is appreciated even if the offer is not taken.
We must be prayerful (for those who believe in God). God answers prayer and people (not just the Christians) appreciate being prayed for. Lets rally around that person or family in prayer.

2. Response as a Retrenched Person/ Christian.

Replace Worry with Trust. Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt6:33). Hold fast to the promises of God!
Walk closer with God. Some Christian friends have testified that in the previous recession, the retrenchment was the best things that had happened in their lives because they tend to walk closer with God and align their agendas spiritually.
Determine God’s Purpose. Crisis refines us. Our response to crisis defines us. There is purpose in the midst of pain. We can choose to be better or bitter. Knowing God’s purpose in our life helps us to be better.
Use your Time wisely. Don’t stay at home in front of the TV and wallow in self-pity. Invest your time to do what you have always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. Also, plan a definite number of hours each day to search for a job, and stick to it. Don’t let closed doors discourage you.
Join a support Group (like church group). God never intends for us to walk and struggle alone, but rather for us to be in a community. Learn to minister to each other and build each other up in the same crisis!
Review your Budget. Establish a low budget during the job search period. Simplify your life. Some luxuries can do without some times. Discourage the use of credit cards during days of financial uncertainty.
Resist the Temptation to do away with Tithing. Sure. Review it. But don’t stop giving. Even if it’s a “widow’s mite”. Given in the right spirit, God will honour it. God is no man’s debtor!

Faith does not preclude an absence of troubles in life. Rather, true faith allows for problems in life and yet trusts God to be the anchor in those storms. Jesus said that when these storms come, they actually test the foundation of our life, whether it has been built on solid rock or sinking sand (Matt 7:24). Hold fast to God’s word. Respond aright in crisis that God might bring us through the crisis. In Christ, we are victors of our circumstances, not victims.

Vision - The Things to Come

All of the great achievers of the past have been visionary figures; they were men and women who projected into the future. They thought of what could be, rather than what already was, and then they moved themselves into action, to bring these things into fruition.

Bob Proctor

Good men say, "When I see it, I will believe".
Great men say, "When I believe, I will see it"!

Eagleboy, on 20 Jan 2009

Cheers to the great men!

Form & Focus on a Mental Picture

Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding.
Hold this picture tenaciously and never permit it to fade.
Your mind will seek to develop this picture!

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

People are not Objects and Opportunities

As a society we have come to a point where people often treat each other as objects and opportunities rather than as unique human beings who are worthy and entitled to be treated with dignity and respect without exception. We live in complicated times, but the solutions to some of the problems we face do not have to be complicated. Dignity and respect is a simple solution to complicated issues, although it is not always easy to do. It takes insight, awareness, and paying attention to what is going on around us. It requires us to take a stand for what we believe to be true and to be an outer representation of the values we cherish.

- Gail Pursell Elliott

Anger and Overcoming it

"Anger ruins joy, steals the goodness of my mind, forces my mouth to say terrible things. Overcoming anger brings piece of mind, leads to a mind without regrets. If I overcome anger, I will be delightful and loved by everyone."

-Charlie Crews from "Life"

Never Mind the Rest

"Believe there is a great power silently working all things for good, behave yourself and never mind the rest."

Beatrix Potter
1866-1943,
Author and Illustrator

2007 is Almost Gone!

2007 is going...going...gone!

And my question is: Will I achieve the goals I have set for 2008? Right now is the perfect time to assess the past year and set new goals for 2008. Regretably, many times I have set goals only to find myself 1/4, 1/2 or even 3/4 of the way through the year with little or no progress toward those goals.

One simple goal I just pick up (again) is journalling. Yes, putting things down in writing. Indiana Jones' father had one; Mohd Ghandi had one. Ahraham Lincoln had one. I bet even their fahers had one too. EagleBoy must have one too!

Among the many things I learned, my mentor told me back in 1998 that winners keep score. Winners track their performance. Winners chart progress. Just one thing: Keep the right scores!!!

Qn: How to keep scores if you don't deliberately store your scores?
Ans: A journal!

So here I am, back to the good good days of writing a journal. But I am not alone in this arena. I have found someone who shared the same passion with me. I have a model and a fellow believer. And I have placed 4 of his quotes below:

"There are three things to leave behind: your photographs, your library and your personal journals. These things are certainly going to be more valuable to future generations than your furniture (and money)!"
-Jim Rohn

"Don't use your mind for a filing cabinet. Use your mind to work out problems and find answers; file away good ideas in your journal."
-Jim Rohn

"The reason why I spend so much money for my journals is to press me to find something valuable to put in them."
-Jim Rohn

"Be a collector of good ideas, but don't trust your memory. The best collecting place for all of the ideas and information that comes your way is your journal."
-Jim Rohn

So, the pen is still mightier that the sword, huh?

Begin

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
German dramatist, poet & novelist

Why God Allows PAIN?

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering ...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children?

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things." The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber! finishe d his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me." "Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

So, if you want to argue with your barber, let him finish his cutting first, okay?

When You Think You Can, You Can!

Oops...was it a typo? No.
Did I read it right? Yes.

It is interesting how a small little play of word can have so vast a difference in meaning. You are probably more familiar with the original quotation by motivational guru & speaker, Denis Waitly, "If You Think You Can, You Can". Well, that make good sense and sound, of course.

But wait. Don't you agree that the "If" at the beginning of the sentence sounds too "iffy"? It is almost conditional as if it's not likely to happen. So, when I change the "If" to "When", I wanted to add in some kind of turbo effect. For I strongly believe & am convicted that when you think you can, you will unleash the power of positive thinking in your life.

Negativity will begin to recede into the shadows. Now that's interesting, isn't it? What you may not consciously consider as possible may turn out to be do-able after all! History are filled with such examples. I will share 2 here.

Arnold Schwarzenegger (hope I got his name spell right) once commented on the effect of a confident attitude on performance. He referred to the 500 pound barrier in the clean-and-jerk event in weight lifting, which is equivalent to running the long one mile in under 4 minute.

Now, the guy was Valery Alexis, the world record holder at 499 pounds. He came to lift, and was told that the bar was at 499 pounds. Approaching with confidence, he lifted it. Later, the judges checked and found that it was actually several pounds heavier! Alexis had broken the barrier!! Now, interestingly, within a short time, 6 others went over 500 pounds. And Alexis himself did 520! Soon, the record went to 564!!

The other was the famous 4 minute mile run. For years, the 4-minute mile was considered not merely unreachable but, according to physiologists of the time, dangerous to the health of any athlete who attempted to reach it. For Roger Bannister, it was vindication.

When he crossed the finish line with a time of 3 minutes, 59.4 seconds, he broke through a psychological barrier as well. John Landy, considered one of the great milers of that era, never had gotten closer than within 1.5 seconds of the 4-minute barrier before. Within 46 days of Bannister's breakthrough, Landy surpassed the record with a 3:57.9 in Finland.

Bannister and Landy raced later in the year in the "Mile of the Century" at Vancouver, a run off to decide who was the faster miler. Bannister won in 3:58.8 to Landy's 3:59.6, the first time two men in one race had broken 4 minutes. By the end of 1957, 16 runners had logged sub-4-minute miles.

When you think you can, you can. But if you think you cannot, even your body will not co-operate with you. Trust me on that. Somehow, somewhere, the reserves are not marshalled to give that extra boost. For the battle is fought & won first in the mind. The sad thing is too many people don't even bother to try becasue they don't think they can. So no effort is made, unfortunately confirming the self-fulfilling prophecy. You see, you can't win unless you first take part.

For now, I took part in the coming Standard Chartered Marathon Run come Dec 2. I will be doing the half-marathon event this year. I did the 10 km last year & got addicted! Once this is achieved, I will do the full marathon next year! Then the mini Iron-man the next, and then the Iron-man. But first, I will have to prepare for the 20km ahead.

See you at the finishing line!

No Limitations

“There are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge.”

- Napoleon Hill

Believing & Happening

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.”

- Frank Lloyd Wright