Relationship: Collecting or Connecting Friends?

It is official. Today is my first day...as a 37 year-old man now. I have survived thus far, eating without being eaten. Thank God!

Over the last 72 hours had been exciting. Emails poured in, Facebook walls posted, SMSes recieved, phone calls, even my good old mailbox recieved birthday cards around this season of the year. Well, it's my birthday afterall :)

Talking about birthday, I am not that into cakes or gifts nowadays. Really. I have too much things already, and thankfully I have practically everything I need. So presents are not essentials. I just want to spend some meaningful time with my loved ones, friends and significant others. That to me is more important now. Get connected with loved ones. Relationsips, in short.

No wonder Pastor Bill Hybel said "relationships are the only reality in this universe". People, not things, counts. Relationships matter. So when I looked back at this road I've travelled, I asked myself how many relationships have I forged over the years. Or was it merely a collection of names and numbers here and there?

Interestingly, when I was much younger, I often asked myself do I have at least 6 good solid friends who will carry my coffin when I died. Quite silly consider the fact that here in Singapore nobody carry coffin for their deceased family members or friends. But it forces me to evaluate and take stock of what is important in life. When we are confronted with the fraility and finality of our existence, we are often reminded of our purpose and mission on earth.

More critical is what will my loved ones and friends write on my tombstone given a chance? Will they describe me as one who had impact their lives positively? Someone who make a difference in them? Will they regard me as a servant of Christ? A Faithful husband? A Loving Daddy? A Great Friend? I pray they will.

My age is but a number. But it reminds me that I am accountable to many, that I am steward to relationships, that I am a trustee to those who look to me for comfort and security, for guidance and inspiration. The bigger this age number, the larger my accountability and stewardship.

I have written this before here in my blog. But I felt it is timely to pull out this poem again, for it is so fitting to know that we should count our age not by years, but by friends. But not just friends collected, but friends connected. That, to me, is a true, sincere, genuine relationship :)

Happy Birthday to Me! :)

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows
Count your life by smiles, not tears.
And with joy on every birthday,
Count your age by friends, not years.

Solid Gold!

"The man or woman who treasures his friends is usually solid gold himself."

Marjorie Holmes
Author

Life's Twists & Turns

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A familiar scene in life? I bet. Mine often is. Its sometimes assuring to know that it is normal, and if you stay on course, you too will get to the end point (whatever you may desire).

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Words like detour, backtrack, reverse, digress, slow-down, stuck, lost, deviate, wander-away, stray, off-course, swerve are all synonym to the picture above.

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Do you have a friend? A mentor? A buddy? A keeper? Someone to call upon when you sway, stray, or get betrayed by life's wicked hands?

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I have. And that's why I am still here, with my sanity.

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Hope you find a few travellers in life that will be a pillar of support and guide in the journey of life.

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But most of all, be one to others.

Are Your Sisters Married?

I was drinking with a friend last night, & he threw me this question out of nowhere: Are your sisters married?

Huh? Why you care? Are you that desperate? I know he is drunk...he is arh...

But come to think of it, I am the only one in my family tree now that is still married, stayed married, & intending to grow old married. And I purpose to achieve that...all with the same person!

You see, my 2 younger sisters are single. My dad is also single, so is my mom. My only younger brother don't have a permanent female companion. Same goes for my auntie. Dead ones don't count. Even my Siberian husky has found no mate yet. I am very sure of that. I have checked with the current owner already, the poor dog is still single (we have to give it away after I got married). So that left me as the only one in the Lee clan to carry the status: 'Married'.

Now, please don't get me wrong. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong or weird by been single, or married.

"They got high standard, is it?" My friend asked.

"High standard my backside lah..." I replied.

The only standard I will set in a relationship are standards for my own, not others. If I expect my partner to be nice, I be nice first. If I want her to be understanding, I will seek to understand first, then to be understood. If I wanted her to respect & honor me, I must behave in a respectable & honorable manner. High standards attract high standards. It is who I AM, CAN & WILL BE that matter. Not what she is, can & will be.

Single or married, the standard must be there. When the right one eventually appears, it is your prior preparation & discipline that counts. Seek to have high standards in everything & everywhere, everytime.

Friendship is Like...

Board Games are Fun! So is Losing!!

I had 2 rounds of board games last night with 3 of my buddies. We had 'Around Africa in 10 Days' for round 1 and a very challenging game called 'Citadel' in round 2. It was hilarious; it was funny; it was confusing (it's always confusing in the first 20 mins or so trying to figure out the rules). Okay, I didn't win in any of those 2 rounds. But heck, who really cares? Afterall, when you are my age, winning really isn't everything. Strangely, I used to think the opposite when I was much younger. Winning really is...EVERYTHING.

As a young boy, I used to think and act competitively. I play and sing competitively. As a young adult, I sell and market competitively. Everything use to be a competition, and in this competition, there can only be one winner, and that winner must be ME. How miserable...expecially when I can't win all the time.

I have since repented years ago. And I was glad I did, because I finally realized that it's not about the winning (or losing). It's not about the destination, but the journey; not the product, but the process. When I focus on the journey instead of the destination, I start to enjoy the friendship and the company I am in. And guess what, when I arrive at the end, we all win!

I used to resent people who try to comfort me by saying, "Oh come on, it's only a game". Yeah right, try it on yourself when you are on the losing team. That was my attitude years ago. But now, the phrase "It's only a game" has more significant meaning to me. It's NOT JUST A GAME; it's a connection. I have a meaningful connection with another being who has chosen to spend time interacting with me apparently via an inconsequencial event: a board game. It's not a game anymore. It's relationship, and in relationship, everybody wins.

I regretted those years when I shunned away one too often from playing games with others because I know I cannot afford to lose. Now I feel that I cannot afford NOT to lose. Less is more. To win, we sometimes have to lose. Someone once quoted: You win the battle, but lose the war. You win an arguement, but lose a friend. You win the match, but lose the respect. How sad. Yes, I can afford to lose now. It's not a big deal anymore.

Nowadays, I have a wonderful feeling when I lost a game, because I know I have won something else: I have won my inner battle, the tension within, the struggle to base my self-worth on something so temporal as the status of a winner. Deep inside, it's okay now. Relationships take priority over personal immaturity.

It was a journey that had taken a great toll on my circles of friends and loved ones. It was a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness that had left a trail of dead bodies and dead-ends along the way. I felt guilty and ugly. What kind of outlook and motto is this anyway: In winning, I lose. I would rather now champion "In losing, I win".

Tonight, I have forgotten how bad it feels to be losing;
Tonight, I don't remember the pressure of not winning;
Tonight, I don't request for a draw or a tie;
Tonight, I finally enjoy losing.
And it is in such a wonderful night that I once again enjoy the marvelous fellowship and companionship of ...my friends!

I Wish You...

When you are lonely, I wish you love.
When you are down, I wish you joy.
When you are troubled, I wish you peace.
When things are complicated, I wish you simple beauty.
When things are chaotic, I wish you inner silence.
When thing looks empty, I wish you hope

A Friend

A friend is someone who knows the song of your soul and sings it back to you when you've forgotten the words.

A good friend stabs you in the front.

- Oscar Wilde

Appreciate your friends

Friends are very rare jewels, indeed.
They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share a word of praise,
and they always want to open their heart to us.
Show our friends how much you care today.
Show your friends how much you appreciate them and what they mean to you.

YesTerDAy Is BuT toDaY'S mEMoRy,ANd ToMOrRoW iS tODaY's DrEAm.

You Don't Know...

Mark was walking home from school one day when he noticed the boy ahead of him had tripped and dropped all of the books he was carrying, along with two sweaters, a baseball bat, a glove and a small tape recorder. Mark knelt down and helped the boy pick up the scattered articles.

Since they were going the same way, he helped to carry part of the burden. As they walked Mark discovered the boy's name was Bill, that he loved video games, baseball and history, and that he was having lots of trouble with his other subjects and that he had just broken up with his girlfriend.

They arrived at Bill's home first and Mark was invited in for a Pepsi and to watch some television. The afternoon passed pleasantly with a few laughs and some shared small talk, then Mark went home. They continued to see each other around school, had lunch together once or twice, then both graduated from junior high school. They ended up in the same high school where they had brief contacts over the years.

Finally the long-awaited senior year came and three weeks before graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk. Bill reminded him of the day years ago when they had first met.

"Did you ever wonder why I was carrying so many things home that day?" asked Bill. "You see, I cleaned out my locker because I didn't want to leave a mess for anyone else. I had stored away some of my mother's sleeping pills and I was going home to commit suicide. But after we spent some time together talking and laughing, I realized that if I had killed myself, I would have missed that time and so many others that might follow. So you see, Mark, when you picked up those books that day, you did a lot more, you saved my life."

Every little hello, every little smile, every helping hand saves a hurting heart. Pass it on.
There's a miracle called Friendship that dwells in the heart.

You don't know how it happens or when it gets started but, you know the special lift it always brings and you realize that Friendship is one of God's most precious gift!

Someone who Understand

"Having someone who understands is a great blessing for ourselves.
Being someone who understands is a great blessing to others."

- Janette Oke

8 Gifts that Do Not Cost a Cent.

Do you have it?

1.The gift of listening, but you must really listen.
No interupting no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.

2.The gift of affection.
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds.
Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

3.The gift of laughter. Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories.
Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you".

4.The gift of a written note.
It can be a simple "Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet. A brief,
handwitten note may be remember ed for a lifetime, and may even change a life.

5.The gift of a compliment.
A simple and sincere, "You look great in read" "You did
a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day.

6.The gift of a favor. Everyday, go out of your way to do something kind.

7.The gift of solitude.
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive
to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

8.The gift of a cheerful disposition.
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, really it's
not that hard to say, Hello or Thank you.

Genuine Friendship

Genuine friendship is not measured by time...
but it is measured by acceptance...
A friend is one where even though you reflect the silver,
he/she sees the GOLD.

Never ...

Never whisper words of love if the feeling is not true...
Never share your feeling if you mean to break a heart...
Never look into my eyes if all you have to do is lie... and
Never say hello if you really mean goodbye...

Soul Mate...

A soul mate is someone who brings out the best in you...
They are not perfect but is always perfect for you.

When to hold, When to let go...

Hold a friend's hand through times of trial,
let him/her find love through a hug and a smile...
But also know when it is time to let go,
for each and everyone of us must learn to grow.

A Forever Friend

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life, just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.

When you're down, and the world seems dark and empty,
Your forever friend lifts you up in spirit
and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full.
Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times, and the confused times.
If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows.
If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on.
Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay.
And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete, because you need not worry.
You have a forever friend for life, and forever has no end.

Tell them...

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day.
Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family,
for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

True Friend

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Bernard Meltzer