The "WOW!" of Vows

Vows. Promises. Word of Honour. We are familiar with them. We would have made some vows, some promises and words of honour at various times of our lives to various people: Our spouses, our employers, our country (through the pledge), even our parents and friends.

Question is: What is the real significance when we uttered those vows and promises? Is it still relevant in the modern 21st century where people no longer take their vows and promises seriously in the light of a self-serving environment? Yes, ours is the proverbial “I’ll do my best, but NO PROMISES…” Sounds familiar? You just hate it when someone disclaimed their liabilities and make light their expectation to deliver. In other words, is there a wow factor in the vow anymore in these age?

I believe there is meaning and purpose behind every well-crafted vow and promise. It is the purpose behind these words that give them significance. Essentially, it is an agreement and determination to be true and stay true. The Bible calls this consecration. Set aside. To be given priority. To be held above all else.

Is this mentality the driving force of your vows and promises – to be true and stay true? Even when the circumstances when you made those vows have changed? I drew inspirations from the sermon I heard 2 week ago about the Nazirite vow. The nature might be different but I think the application is the same.

Recently, I heard and witnessed a lot of couples struggling to keep their marriage intact and in place. Some resented their spouse. Some rejected each other already. Some get distracted by third parties and abandoned their first love. Some claimed that they have tried and exhausted all means for reconciliation.

Bullshit!
Excuses!!
Liars!!!!!!!

Truth is: They just don't want to...

Some becomes outlaws with their in-laws. Joking still, some said, "Divorce? Never! Murder? Maybe!" Husbands and wives stayed on the lifeless marriage because of the house, the kids, the finances, even ...the dog. Sad but true. How to salvage?

I believe we need to return to the very first altar when things began. Go back to the history. Why we get together in the first place? Let’s examine the basic tenets of the vow and then cast it against the backdrop of our marital vow.

A. It is all about BEING DEDICATED TO

When one make a vow (to a spouse), it is meant to be wholly dedicated to him or her. Or in another version, says “to belong to in a special way”. There are 4 possible reasons why someone would dedicate to another as spouse:

To make a ransom demand: “I dedicate myself to you, and you MUST DO THIS AND THIS….” A spouse-napper.
To gain a reward: “I dedicate myself to you so that you WILL GIVE ME…OR I WANT THIS….” A Things-Lover.
To repay a favour: “I dedicate myself to you because you HAVE DONE THIS FOR ME…..........” A grateful-partner.
A committed love response: “I dedicate myself to you because I want to bless you and make your joy my No.1 priority”.
A True Lover.

Don’t be a Things-Lover or Spouse-napper.

B. It is all about BEING SEPARATED FROM

When you study it, the Marriage Vow has at least 4 interesting features:

1. It is unique and exclusive. (Forsaking all, be faithful to ONE)
2. It is public. (In the presence of God and these witnesses…)
3. It is costly. (In sickness or health, through good/ bad times, for better/ worst, in plenty/ in want…no matter come what may… )
4. It is temporal. (as in till death do us part and be re-united when Christ returns)

Don’t let anything come in between the marriage. The union is non-negotiable. Divorce is not an option. Don’t make convenient excuses and look for way out at the very first sign of trouble. That is the summation of the vows. Being “separated from” others to be “alone with” each other.

C. It is all about BEING DESTINED FOR

When two individuals got married, the two shall become one. Problems start when the couples ask, “Which one”? Answer: Christ. That is the eventual destiny of the couple. One for another, both for the LORD (these were the words engraved on the inside of our wedding bands). There is a higher upward agenda then just mastering transitions from young married to old grandparents. When both couple seeks to draw near and imitate Christ, the two shall become spiritually one, not just mere physical or mental or social oneness. The vow seeks unity and oneness in Christ.

Inadvertently, when the vow is threatened or broken, I believe God has made provision for reinstatement, through a journey of healing and restoration by grace through faith and scriptures. I will not dwell on inner healing here. The main focus here is the centrality of the vow.

For young couples starting out, remember the vow you took. They are sacred. Don't lose sight.

For older couples who are struggling, remember the vow you took. Consecrate yourself anew and afresh to each other. Don't lose hope. Don’t give up, or give in to temptations. Be willing to pay the price, any price, to finish well.

Go.
Press on.
Dedicate yourself to God.
Consecrate your marriage again.
The goal is to not just start but finish well.
The bumps on the road are what we climb on to progress.
A good and strong marriage takes lots of effort and sacrifice….and… it is worth everything.

Of Misrepresentation & Degree Mills!

After following the "Dr" Claim-en Chiang's saga for the past few days, my curiosity got the better of me. I went to google what degree mills are, and so I cut-and-paste the entire top portion for my readers below.

Now, Eagleboy remembered attending one of his "free" seminar also, round about last year. The remembrence still carried with it some post-indigestion churnings in the stomach. I could still feel the same old hardcore pressure-selling tactics to lure the un-initiated to sign up his so-called "Bao-Jiak" trading course. Sibeh sian one, listening to nothing but his metal credit card and some cave in Sentuksah...

Me, being the 'not-so-smart' one, of course missed the "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity to be his student. Sad to say, Eagleboy also didn't come from a very reputable education background. He only graduated from NUS, which he always believe it stands for: Nothing Up Stairs (in the thinking department). He can't be smart enough to sign up for such a deal. Afterall, it is only $3800 what, and can use credit card and pay by instalments you know.

Suffice to say, there is no more stones around on the floor for me to cast now. All thrown already. Someone had already hurled the last one. I hate to say this but I am curious to find out how this poor ignorance bastard will defend himself. Afterall, if you claimed to carry a PhD, you cannot act "blur". That will put other PhDs in very bad lights, you know.

Now, I have always thought that PhD people have "Permanent Head Damage". But now I believe they "Purposely Hide their Deception". These people will have to "Pay Heftily until Dried". His "Program Has been Disrupted" and he will be on the "Public Hate-List Display".

But before all these shit, Eagleboy suggests the cockter better "Prepare His Defense" before a class-action suit!

Here's the site: http://www.chea.org/degreemills/frmPaper.htm

Diploma or degree mills come in many guises. Some degree mills blatantly offer to sell a degree and perhaps a transcript from a legitimate school. Others can be easily recognized by promising that an applicant can receive a degree in a very short period of time, sometimes as little as five days. Another type of degree mill will purport to look at an applicant’s life experience and award a degree based solely on a description of this experience. Others may require the student to submit papers or other assignments, but still will provide the degree in a short period of time with much less work than would be required by legitimate institutions. An advertisement that claims a student can “earn” a degree in much less time than it would take at a legitimate institution is likely evidence that the school is a degree mill.

Degree mills may resemble legitimate institutions in some ways. For example, many legitimate schools provide credit for life experience, but almost all of these schools require students to provide extensive documentation demonstrating how their experience relates to the learning objectives of the course or courses for which they are seeking credit and may require papers that relate the experience to the course requirements as well. Some schools will also provide opportunities for completing the requirements for a degree in a short period of time. Typically, however, these kinds of programs are intended for students who have completed a considerable number of college-level courses, perhaps at a number of institutions, but have not put these credits together to complete a degree.

Now, early in the 21st century, technology is the impetus for a renewed threat. In the past several years, concern over the problem of fraudulent operators has escalated because of the ease of creating a fraudulent institution on the Internet. A moderately skilled web designer can very easily and quickly create a home page for a fraudulent school with the look and feel of a home page of a legitimate school. Often, it is difficult if not impossible to track down the individuals responsible for perpetrating the fraud, and even if they were to be located, they could very well be operating from some location outside the jurisdiction of state or U.S. laws. It is likely that many of these fraudulent schools are also short-lived, making detection even more difficult. They can start up, collect considerable amounts of money from consumers, go out of business, change their name and emerge as a new entity in a very short period of time.

This is occurring at the same time that there is more and more pressure on individuals to earn degrees, not only bachelor’s degrees, but master’s and doctoral degrees as well. Jobs and promotions increasingly go to individuals with the greatest educational qualifications, even when individuals’ work experience may be more relevant to the job than is a degree. This creates pressures on individuals to obtain degrees, tempting some to take the easy route to a degree – the degree mill.

Taken from CHEA
Council for Higher Education Accreditation

Unemployment - Hope for Those Between Jobs

Unemployment. Retrenchment. Job loss. All these increase a person's risk of depression and self-doubt. Different people react differently to unemployment, or the possibility of it. When word is out that their company is planning a major downsizing, or when the actual retrenchment comes, some feel vulnerable and anxious. Some are concerned about providing for family. Others are depressed that they cannot afford to continue to live in luxury. Still others are bitter that they got axed.

Whatever the emotions, being without job or unemployed is painful.

In the current global financial crisis and recession, it is inevitable that we will know of friends and loved ones who are (or will be) affected by retrenchment. How is the retrenched person to cope? What can we as friends do?

I would like to approach this sensitive issue from two front: First, my response as a friend, and second, the response as a retrenched person.

1. Response as a Friend.

We must be understanding. Job loss put people of all ages and social status into a period of agonizing uncertainty.
We must be encouraging. It is a tough period of life. A warm friendship that gently points a person to God or to some source of hope is comforting.
We must be sensitive. Don’t assume that the person can join you in outings, vacations or eating out as readily as before. Genuinely offer to pay for them (especially those with children)
We must be helpful. Perhaps you know of a temporary job to recommend. Or volunteer to take the kids out. Or offer some practical helps. It is appreciated even if the offer is not taken.
We must be prayerful (for those who believe in God). God answers prayer and people (not just the Christians) appreciate being prayed for. Lets rally around that person or family in prayer.

2. Response as a Retrenched Person/ Christian.

Replace Worry with Trust. Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt6:33). Hold fast to the promises of God!
Walk closer with God. Some Christian friends have testified that in the previous recession, the retrenchment was the best things that had happened in their lives because they tend to walk closer with God and align their agendas spiritually.
Determine God’s Purpose. Crisis refines us. Our response to crisis defines us. There is purpose in the midst of pain. We can choose to be better or bitter. Knowing God’s purpose in our life helps us to be better.
Use your Time wisely. Don’t stay at home in front of the TV and wallow in self-pity. Invest your time to do what you have always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. Also, plan a definite number of hours each day to search for a job, and stick to it. Don’t let closed doors discourage you.
Join a support Group (like church group). God never intends for us to walk and struggle alone, but rather for us to be in a community. Learn to minister to each other and build each other up in the same crisis!
Review your Budget. Establish a low budget during the job search period. Simplify your life. Some luxuries can do without some times. Discourage the use of credit cards during days of financial uncertainty.
Resist the Temptation to do away with Tithing. Sure. Review it. But don’t stop giving. Even if it’s a “widow’s mite”. Given in the right spirit, God will honour it. God is no man’s debtor!

Faith does not preclude an absence of troubles in life. Rather, true faith allows for problems in life and yet trusts God to be the anchor in those storms. Jesus said that when these storms come, they actually test the foundation of our life, whether it has been built on solid rock or sinking sand (Matt 7:24). Hold fast to God’s word. Respond aright in crisis that God might bring us through the crisis. In Christ, we are victors of our circumstances, not victims.

If You throw Mud, You lose Ground...

"If you throw mud, you just lose ground...is it worth it?"

I still remember a dear brother who spoke this words to me many years ago. I was less wiser then. He was my mentor, my friend, my brother in the faith, and a fellow co-labourerer in the church worship team. These words still sticked to me till this day.

As a young man then, I was unpolished, ill-disciplined, and hot-headed. I was foolish. I resented been told what to do. I just want to tell others what to do. I was proud and self-centred. In fact, I was insecure. I challenged leadership and authority. Bad ideas. My pride and insecurity had led to my inability to work as a team, or held any leadership role, for long. When confronted or counselled by my leaders, I was always defensive and judgemental, and usually left a trail of body counts. I have repented ever since.

This crisis of authority issue led me to read a very special book called "The Tale of Three Kings". It was from my mentor. It talks about a king who likes to throw spears at others when he felt threatened or insecured. One particular and unfortunate target was a young man who will one day succeed him as the next king. However, this young man had to go through harsh and life-threatening treatments under the current mad king. One simple solution to end all this is to just yanked the spear out of the wall and ...right...throw bad. But he didn't. He knows what submission means, and gladly obeyed.

The message from the book left a lasting and deep inprint in my life about submission and authority. It drilled a strong foundation in my conviction about certain things in life today. Now, years later, when I looked back, I am thankful for the love shown to me from these people who chastized and refined me. I can see further today because these spiritual giants had at some point in my life hoisted me on their shoulders and carry me through.

Well, there are still times when I felt the temptations to throw back spears that were hauled at me. I have found strength available to refrain from that these days. I used to find strength big enough to throw back twice the speed and impact. But it is not necessary now, and I am thankful. My spear-throwing days are over.

We all move on. We either get better or worse. I have chosen to get better, and better I know I have been. God has healed many wounds in my heart over the years, and has restored my trust in His goodness and faithfulness. I am secured as a son is before his father. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

This is not my recent encounter or experience. I have always wanted to write about this years back, when I carried my first-born son in my arms. I looked into his eyes, and then I saw my Father's heart for me. What I desire for my son is exactly what my Father desires for me. I finally got in touch with that child in me when I became a father myself. This is a paradox. A watershed point. A breakthrough. A valley-to-mountain experience.

I will end this note with a quote from Rubel Shelly. It was this quote that led me to write this entry today.

"If criticism is mistaken or mean-spirited, rise above it. Maintain the high ground when you're under fire. No victory is worth winning at the expense of picking up the mud that has been slung at you and throwing it back."

Rubel Shelly

Come soar with me :)

The Ultimate Measure of a Man

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Martin Luther King, Jr.
1929-1968,
American Civil Rights Leader

What All People Want?

All people want and have the right to be treated with dignity and respect - No exceptions.

- Gail Pursell Elliott

Father and Son

I try to be a good father. Give my son everything he needs. Pay for his phonics class. Take him and mom out for fine dining. Have yearly photo shoots... etc...

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

You see, eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles (41.92 km) in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars - all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much - except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life," Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate.

"No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."

"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain.

Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that."

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks."

That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race officially. In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.
Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?"

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992 - only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago."

So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

"The thing I'd most like, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."

By Rick ReillySports Illustrated
- Used with permission

Dick and Rick Hoyt have a book and DVD. To learn more about this very special father and son team go to: www.teamhoyt.com

People are not Objects and Opportunities

As a society we have come to a point where people often treat each other as objects and opportunities rather than as unique human beings who are worthy and entitled to be treated with dignity and respect without exception. We live in complicated times, but the solutions to some of the problems we face do not have to be complicated. Dignity and respect is a simple solution to complicated issues, although it is not always easy to do. It takes insight, awareness, and paying attention to what is going on around us. It requires us to take a stand for what we believe to be true and to be an outer representation of the values we cherish.

- Gail Pursell Elliott

What is Real Strength?

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces.

- Judith Viorst

Character Through Trials

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved

-Helen Keller

Character vs Reputation

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

Unknown Author

Anger and Overcoming it

"Anger ruins joy, steals the goodness of my mind, forces my mouth to say terrible things. Overcoming anger brings piece of mind, leads to a mind without regrets. If I overcome anger, I will be delightful and loved by everyone."

-Charlie Crews from "Life"

Always Do the Right Thing

"Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest"

-Mark Twain

Do the very BEST

"I do the very best I know how - the very best I can; and mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything."

Abraham Lincoln
1809-1865,
16th President of the USA

Feed Just One

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.

Mother Teresa

Solid Gold!

"The man or woman who treasures his friends is usually solid gold himself."

Marjorie Holmes
Author

All Can Be Justified

Of course, anger can always be justified.
But then, so can forgiveness.
Just depends on how much more you want from the adventure.

Unknown

Come to my House at 6:30, okay?

For the record, this question is uttered from my 3 1/2 year-old junior, not a girlfriend or mistress.
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Now, you will have to understand a few things before appreciating my reason for putting it here:

.

First, this is the first time he dialled my handphone number from memory - nobody assisted him. And for your information, EagleBoy junor can recall his mommy's cell phone too!
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Second, his grasp of the concept of time is impressive. He specified what time he wanted to see me. It would be well if he said he wanted to see me tonight. But at 6:30, this boy knew when he wants what he wants.
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Third, he stated the location: My house. Often we are at the mercy of other's choice of location. The successful time manager will have others go to him instead of him going to others. Time is saved in this way.
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Now, what did EagleBoy (Dad) do in this situation?
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He yielded....He cancelled his 6:30 pm appointment, postponed his 7:30 pm appointment, and asked for grace to show up late for his last appointment at NUSS (that's at 8 pm). All this for a little boy's plea to ... show his dad his new toy car and a new set of train tracks.
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Now if you know me, I am not in the habit of changing my appointment or schedule; well, at least not by me. Most of the time, my clients will call and do the re-arrangement. But I felt compelled to oblige my little boy for 3 basic reasons:
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1. He can have my attention, any time, almost anywhere (except when I am out of town). I want him to know that Dad is a friend and my line is always open to him as far as he is concerned.
He has exclusivity (Just like his mom).
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2. Once I made a promise, I keep it. I need to demonstrate to him what a Promise Keeper is and do, and he needs to learn this from me. You see, not that I undermine the importance of meeting my clients. It's just a matter of setting my priorities from the beginning.
He has priority (Just like his mom).
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3. Loving someone cost - the greater the love, the higher the cost. There is no two ways about it. Love is non-negotiable. If you claim you love somebody, you will need to sacrifice something, sometime, down the road somewhere, somehow. If I can show it now, why wait. To a child, love is not spelled L-O-V-E, but T-I-M-E!!!
He has urgency (Just like his mom). And I need his mom to know that!
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Moments like these only come a few times in our lives. Some don't even have the opportunities or privileges. Don't squander them at the altar of wealth and the pursuit of money. Remember:
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People first (family),
then money (the management of it),
then things (the stewardship of it).
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So, love people, manage money, and enjoy things.
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So, are you coming to my house at 6:30 pm? Okay?

Speak with Sincerity

"When you speak of someone or about someone, you should speak as though they were in the room with you. The ears that you speak to today are attached to the mouth that could relay the message tomorrow."

William 'Biddy' Allen
1903-2001,
Bus Driver and Loving father of 7 children

No Escape

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
- Abraham Lincoln