Dogs are forever in the push up postion.Every book is a children's book if the kid can read! I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first, to see if she would read that too.I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen. I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. - Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. My girlfriend works at Hooters... in the kitchen. Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus? I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life. I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat. God damnit anyway! I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked. But it did not say, "I'm hungry,"... so it died.I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.
