Shipwreck

A New Zealander was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get "those feelings" again.
He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear,
...
...
...
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Bad Sneeze - R(A)

A man, sitting next to a woman on a jet, suddenly sneezes. Unexpectedly, he unzips his pants and wipes the end of his penis off with his handkerchief. He then zips up and continues reading his magazine.
The woman cannot believe what she just saw.
Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief.
The woman says, "Excuse me sir, but that is disgusting and rude."
He says, "I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says, with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what,are you taking for it?"

"Pepper," he replies

Male & Female Whales - R(A)

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time; and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it, and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Brain Cramps

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry.
I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
-Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
-A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental.! "
-Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." and "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not ! occur."
-Al Gore, VP

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

借口

歌手： 周杰伦
词曲编: 周杰伦

翻着我们的照片
想念若隐若现
去年的冬天
我们笑得很甜
看着你哭泣的脸
对着我说再见
来不及听见
你已走得很远
也许你已经放弃我
也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过
请再给我一个理由
说你不爱我

就算是我不懂
能不能原谅我
请不要把分手
当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走
是你受伤的藉口
请你回头
我会陪你
一直走到最后
就算没有结果
我也能够承受
我知道你的痛
是我给的承诺
你说给过我纵容
沉默是因为包容
如果要走
请你记得我

如果难过
请你忘了我

My Favourite Watch

The Franck Muller 'Master Banker' is one of my most expensive accessories. I like fine watches, but found it to be a very high-maintenance hobby.

In fact, I notice a very interesting trend developing in recent years. These days, the correct time is everywhere: in the corner of the computer screen, on the television in elevators, on cable news channels, in train stations, as well as on car radios, microwaves, ovens, and in all sorts of public places. And, perhaps most significantly, on cell phones, BlackBerries, and iPods. Most people these days carry a highly accurate and durable time piece, but it isn't a watch.

I think all of this is bad news for the watch industry—or at least for that sector of the watch industry that sells watches meant to be used to tell time, as opposed to watches that are meant to be worn as fashion accessories or as portable symbols of status and wealth. As in many other consumer areas, the middle is getting squeezed. Sources have it that sales of moderately priced watches—time pieces that retail for under $200—were probably down about 15 percent in 2006.

Midrange watches are now clearly discretionary products. And, judging by my admittedly casual research, many consumers are using their discretion and deciding not to wear one. Those that do wear them bought it more as a jewelry piece and less as a timekeeper. Women are drawn to watches that help accessorize different outfits. Men are drawn to high-tech gadgetry. Fitness geeks of both sexes opt for souped-up digital watches equipped with heart rate monitors and GPS technology.

At the high end, however, I see watchmaking remains a thriving business, as the global wealthy spend consistently for lavish watches.
Meanwhile, some of the smartest minds in fashion are laying bets that the watch will continue to evolve from a quotidian utility into beloved bauble.

Meanwhile, I will stick to my faithful Franck Muller "Master Banker' and Rolex 'Yacht-Master'.

My Next Car

Armed with killer looks, deadly dynamics and a build quality to die for, the new Lexus IS 250 has the BMW 3-series squarely in its sights.

Built on a shortened platform of the new GS (the 5-series contender), the IS 250 is sizeably longer, broader and taller than its predecessor. Its wheelbase has grown by 60mm, translating to more legroom, although recesses under the front seats could still be roomier. The design is mouth-watering. While previous Lexus models looked like they could've come from different manufacturers, the new range of cars - starting with the GS and IS - have family resemblance. The IS and GS sport BMW-like 'Hofmeister kick', a section of the rear-quarter window that sweeps back towards the front. They also have a high waistline. Yet, they are very much their own cars.

Like the GS, the IS exudes athleticism previously absent. Looking at the IS 250s parked in the drizzle, it will sell on style alone. The car is equally sumptuous inside. High quality materials, brilliant white cabin lighting, an instrument panel that is high-tech yet fuss-free, and a smart one-piece centre console incorporating a Mark Levinson hi-fi that drives 14 speakers throughout the car. It's not a hotch-potch of features assembled mindlessly either. Everything is coherent and the ergonomics beyond reproach. It's one of those cockpits that makes you wish you lived farther from work. The drive is just as rewarding. Instead of inserting and turning a key, you push a button to fire up the IS 250.

Its 2.5-litre V6 stirs silently, Lexus-like. But when you gun it, it hits all the right notes - the endorphin-releasing, pulse-raising ones. The engine is a direct-injected high-compression affair with dual VVT-i, and replaces a simpler and bulkier inline-6. Just 10 per cent heavier than the IS 200, the car has 35 per cent more power on tap. A more muscle-bound IS 350 is available, but the IS 250 will do nicely for most occasions. Accompanying the engine's stirring sound is a worthy performance. Throttle response is immediate once you get the revs up to 3,000rpm; and 100kmh comes in 8.4 seconds, although the laps on the Fuji Speedway seem to say it arrives sooner.

On the fly, you can waltz the car through its six gears via steering-mounted paddles - a much nicer option than the four-speed auto in the previous car. But leaving it in S-mode and alternating between kickdown and hard braking - which the car obliges uncomplainingly - is sufficient on most days, even if you're hurtling down a road where speed limits are a private matter between man and machine. The IS 250 is exceptionally poised, and not at all edgy. Its speed-sensitive steering feels lighter than it should at higher velocities, but that may be because of the wet circuit. It is a sharp and agile dancer, twirling round the slalom section more effortlessly than some supercars. Changing lanes at 90kmh is almost a non-event.

Dynamically, the car is exceptionally sound. It attacks the roller-coaster circuit with abandon, ricocheting from one cone-marked apex to the next with as much precision as the driver is accustomed to. It doesn't even twitch when you lift off in mid corner. Fundamentally, the inevitable question arises: Will this babe beat the 3-series? For a definitive answer, you'd need a real-world road test. But at this stage, my prognosis is in favour of the IS.

This is a WINNER!!

Price tag: $139,000 (Basic Model)