Two Aussies in a Boat

Two Aussies, Davo and Johnno, were adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Davo stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.
This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into the "hard earned thirst" quencher.
The genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Johnno looked disgustedly at Davo whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Johnno said,
"Nice going Davo! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."

Aristotle on Education

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

Education is an ornament in prosperity and a refuge in adversity.
- Aristotle

Wasted Years

A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.
- Muhammad Ali

Quotes from my Favourite General Napoleon

He who knows how to flatter also knows how to slander.

A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights.

A revolution is an idea which has found its bayonets.

A throne is only a bench covered with velvet.

Ability is nothing without opportunity.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

Love Letter

My Dear Wife,

I look forward to making plans with you. I love to do that. Goals are an important part of life and success, and I spend plenty of time pursuing them in my work. But sometimes I forget to pursue goals within our marriage, our family, and our home. Sometimes I get so caught up with things that I just coast along, figuring that our home life will somehow all fall neatly into place. Yet, I know I need to lend a more active hand in this area and be a better leader.

I sincerely desire a chance to sit down with you and talk about our goals. I would like to hear what you think, what you dream, and where you would like to be, say, ten years from now. We will need to include God in this, so let's also take time to ask Him to lead and direct us.

Because I Love You,
Your Husband.

I wasn't Talking to You

A Kiwi ( New Zealander ) walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

Churchill's Take on Words, Virtues and Modesty

By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.

Eating words has never given me indigestion.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He is a modest little man who has a good deal to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill