Sick humor

1. How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
2. Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.
3. If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
4. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
5. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
6. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
7. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).