Learn the 5 Language of Apology Part I

Blogger's Note: the following is a report on the practical applications of Gary Chapman and Jennifer M. Thomas’s book, The Five Languages of Apology, (Moody Publishers, 2006).

Have you ever apologized to someone, but found that person still upset with you? In your frustration, you may have thought there’s nothing more you could have done. But since people have different ways of apologizing, the way you expressed your apology may just not have gotten through to the person you offended.

If you speak a different apology language than the person you’re trying to reach, he or she will likely view your apology as insincere. But if you translate your apology into that person’s language, you can pave the way for forgiveness and reconciliation in that relationship.
Here’s how you can become fluent in the languages of apology and experience healed relationships:

Learn the first language: Expressing regret.
This says, “I am sorry.” When you speak this language, you let the person you’ve offended know of your own guilt, shame, and pain over the fact that your behavior has hurt him or her. You don’t simply correct problems without acknowledging your remorse; instead, you verbalize your regret in specific ways. In your apology, give as many details as possible to show you understand how your wrong behavior affected the offended person. Don’t tack on a “but …” to your apology, either blaming your actions on something the person did to provoke you or making excuses for what you did. Make sure you don’t try to use an apology to manipulate the offended person into reciprocating. To give your apology more emotional weight, consider writing it in a letter that the offended person can read again and again. Make it clear to the offended person that you feel hurt because your actions have hurt him or her, so you can identify with the pain he or she is experiencing.

We'll explore the second language tomorrow. Stay tuned.