Happy Old Young Man

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."

Mitch Hedberg Humor

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first, to see if she would read that too.
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
- Mitch Hedberg

Be Prepared!

Chance favors the prepared mind.
Fortune favors the prepared mind.
In the fields of observation chance favors only the prepared mind.
- Louis Pasteur

The Rich and the Poor

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.
- Josh Billings

About Plagiarism

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
- Josh Billings

Copying from one source is plagiarism; copying from various sources is research.
- Unknown

Are You a Dictator?

Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry.
- Winston Churchill

Facing Difficulties and Danger?

Danger - if you meet it promptly and without flinching - you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!

Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.

- Winston Churchill