Why Finger is Better than the Cock - R(A): 2/10

1. Your fingers won't just fall asleep afterwards.
2. Your fingers don't want you to meet *their* family.
3. You don't get jealous of your fingers.
4. Your fingers don't mind if you fall asleep afterwards.
5. Your fingers won't let you down.
6. Your fingers don't want to watch a football match instead.
7. Your mother won't critisize your fingers.
8. You can't get pregnant from your fingers.
9. Your fingers don't need batteries.
10. People aren't surprised to find you have them.

Love is ...

Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible, it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.

- Barbara DeAngelis

Baby Talk

Little Frankie came running into the house & asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Frankie then ran back outside & his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

How To Prepare Chicken

A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”

“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Teaching a Class of ...

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned & asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed & frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Moses & the Crossing of Red Sea

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, & all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters & call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge & all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

Dividends are Important

Dividends are the best way to gauge a company’s true performance & prospects. After all, wouldn't you agree that in order to consistently pay dividends, a company must have a sound business model & steady profits. Simply put, a company’s ability to pay steady dividends over time — & its power to increase them — are the single best clues about the quality of the company.

That’s why the smart investors in the world today are sending this simple & blunt message to corporate boardrooms:

“Don’t give me any more slick press releases. Don’t make me any more empty promises. Just put your money where your mouth is ... and get my dividend check in the mail!”

Truth is: this is not rocket science. You don’t need an exotic stock trading system. All you have to do is to carefully observe & discover dividend superstars, buy & hold them. The stocks I owned so far had paid out closed to 5% in dividends. They are like fixed disposits to me, except they also offer capital gains.

The only problem here is that you will have to file tax for such dividend payouts. But hey, it is a good problem, & I don't mind paying tax for it. Keep the cheques coming, baby!