Married for 2 weeks...

Simon and Mel had only been married for two weeks. Simon, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to Mel, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochycooh?" asked Mel.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
Mel said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
Simon didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because Mel interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
Simon, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f*cking beer in your goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf*cking snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?"

Love our Enemies

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies;
probably because they are generally the same people.
- G. K. Chesterton

The Essence of Lying

The essence of lying is in deception, not in words; a lie may be told in silence, by equivocation, by the accent on a syllable, by a glance of the eye attaching a peculiar significance to a sentence; but all of these kinds of lies are worse and baser by many degrees than a lie plainly worded.
- John Ruskin,
(in Modern Painters)

The Perfect Marriage

The perfect marriage begins when each partner believes they got better than they deserved.
- Author Unknown

The Person You Marry

You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being married to you.
-Richard Needham

Mark Twain Selections

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”
“By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.”
“Nothing needs reforming as other people’s habits.”
“Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.”
“We despise all reverences and all the objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our own list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.”

What's wrong with the World?

Years ago the London Times ran an article asking the question, "What is wrong with the world?" It encouraged readers to respond. I am sure the editor must have read the following reply more than once before its profound truth sank in.

Dear Sir, In response to your question, "What is wrong with the world?"

I am.

Yours Truly,
G. K. Chesterton.