A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry.
Hence University education.
- George Bernard Shaw
Why Pinterest Stock Popped This Week
2 hours ago
King of the Birds, Lord of the Skies
Gather ye rose buds while ye may, old time is still a flying;
and this same rose that you see today, tomorrow will be dying.
CarpeDiem: Seize the Day!
- Dead Poets Society
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Don't Resist!
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
- George Bernard Shaw
- George Bernard Shaw
Never do that...
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig.
You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
- George Bernard Shaw
You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
- George Bernard Shaw
All About Love
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones,
as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
All the passions make us commit faults;
love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones.
In love we often doubt what we most believe.
It is with true love as it is with ghosts;
everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
One forgives to the degree that one loves.
Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever.
Passions are the only orators to always convinces us.
The heart is forever making the head its fool.
There are very few people who are not ashamed of having been in love when they no longer love each other.
There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists,
or simulate it where it does not.
There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.
We always love those who admire us,
but we do not always love those whom we admire.
- Francois De La Rochefoucauld
as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
All the passions make us commit faults;
love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones.
In love we often doubt what we most believe.
It is with true love as it is with ghosts;
everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
One forgives to the degree that one loves.
Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever.
Passions are the only orators to always convinces us.
The heart is forever making the head its fool.
There are very few people who are not ashamed of having been in love when they no longer love each other.
There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists,
or simulate it where it does not.
There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.
We always love those who admire us,
but we do not always love those whom we admire.
- Francois De La Rochefoucauld
Short French Quotes
A refusal of praise is a desire to be praised twice.
As it is the characteristic of great wits to say much in few words,
so small wits seem to have the gift of speaking much and saying nothing.
As one grows older, one becomes wiser and more foolish.
- Francois De La Rochefoucauld
As it is the characteristic of great wits to say much in few words,
so small wits seem to have the gift of speaking much and saying nothing.
As one grows older, one becomes wiser and more foolish.
- Francois De La Rochefoucauld
Marriage
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Young Son: Is it true, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;
and then it was too late.
When a newly married man looks happy we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Young Son: Is it true, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;
and then it was too late.
When a newly married man looks happy we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
How to Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your willy in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your arse, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire willy size again.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your willy, go "Yeah, baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your willy in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your arse, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire willy size again.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your willy, go "Yeah, baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with mould spray.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with mould spray.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
Choose your best line...
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
Dear IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription.
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
Thought for the day: in case any of you haven't had one yet.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Failure is not an option; it's bundled with your software.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
I'm pretty sure that sex is better than logic but I can't prove it.
Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.
Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
We have enough youth; how about a fountain of smart?
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those critical, self-righteous people around me.
A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
Live each day as if it were your last... and someday you'll be right.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Drink Varnish, and you'll have a lovely finish.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
There's no need to fear falling; it's the sudden stop at the bottom that you should fear.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
The face is familiar, but I can't quite remember my name.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it!
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler than that.
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
If at first you don't success, see if the loser gets anything.
Department of Redundancy Department.
All of me is beautiful and valuable, ...even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
Practice safe eating ... always use condiments.
I'm out of my mind ... but feel free to leave a message.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Follow your dream ...unless it's the one where you're running naked through Carrefour.
Dogs have owners, and cats have staff.
I'm not afraid of heights; I'm afraid of widths.
My favourite:
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
2. Age doesn't always brings wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
3. There's no need to fear falling; it's the sudden stop at the bottom that you should fear.
Dear IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription.
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
Thought for the day: in case any of you haven't had one yet.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Failure is not an option; it's bundled with your software.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
I'm pretty sure that sex is better than logic but I can't prove it.
Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.
Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
We have enough youth; how about a fountain of smart?
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those critical, self-righteous people around me.
A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
Live each day as if it were your last... and someday you'll be right.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Drink Varnish, and you'll have a lovely finish.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
There's no need to fear falling; it's the sudden stop at the bottom that you should fear.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
The face is familiar, but I can't quite remember my name.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it!
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler than that.
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
If at first you don't success, see if the loser gets anything.
Department of Redundancy Department.
All of me is beautiful and valuable, ...even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
Practice safe eating ... always use condiments.
I'm out of my mind ... but feel free to leave a message.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Follow your dream ...unless it's the one where you're running naked through Carrefour.
Dogs have owners, and cats have staff.
I'm not afraid of heights; I'm afraid of widths.
My favourite:
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
2. Age doesn't always brings wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
3. There's no need to fear falling; it's the sudden stop at the bottom that you should fear.
Why Men Don't Mind their Own Business
What are the two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1) No mind
2) No business
1) No mind
2) No business
10 Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty at the Office but Aren t:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I ll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it s out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It s an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you ll be getting off today?
And the number one thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn t:
1. It s not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Law but Aren t:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let s do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For 200 an hour, she better be good.
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number one thing that sounds dirty in law but isn t:
1. Think you can get me off?
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Golf but Aren t:
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can t get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn t:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I ll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it s out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It s an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you ll be getting off today?
And the number one thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn t:
1. It s not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Law but Aren t:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let s do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For 200 an hour, she better be good.
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number one thing that sounds dirty in law but isn t:
1. Think you can get me off?
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Golf but Aren t:
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can t get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn t:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
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