Relationship: Collecting or Connecting Friends?

It is official. Today is my first day...as a 37 year-old man now. I have survived thus far, eating without being eaten. Thank God!

Over the last 72 hours had been exciting. Emails poured in, Facebook walls posted, SMSes recieved, phone calls, even my good old mailbox recieved birthday cards around this season of the year. Well, it's my birthday afterall :)

Talking about birthday, I am not that into cakes or gifts nowadays. Really. I have too much things already, and thankfully I have practically everything I need. So presents are not essentials. I just want to spend some meaningful time with my loved ones, friends and significant others. That to me is more important now. Get connected with loved ones. Relationsips, in short.

No wonder Pastor Bill Hybel said "relationships are the only reality in this universe". People, not things, counts. Relationships matter. So when I looked back at this road I've travelled, I asked myself how many relationships have I forged over the years. Or was it merely a collection of names and numbers here and there?

Interestingly, when I was much younger, I often asked myself do I have at least 6 good solid friends who will carry my coffin when I died. Quite silly consider the fact that here in Singapore nobody carry coffin for their deceased family members or friends. But it forces me to evaluate and take stock of what is important in life. When we are confronted with the fraility and finality of our existence, we are often reminded of our purpose and mission on earth.

More critical is what will my loved ones and friends write on my tombstone given a chance? Will they describe me as one who had impact their lives positively? Someone who make a difference in them? Will they regard me as a servant of Christ? A Faithful husband? A Loving Daddy? A Great Friend? I pray they will.

My age is but a number. But it reminds me that I am accountable to many, that I am steward to relationships, that I am a trustee to those who look to me for comfort and security, for guidance and inspiration. The bigger this age number, the larger my accountability and stewardship.

I have written this before here in my blog. But I felt it is timely to pull out this poem again, for it is so fitting to know that we should count our age not by years, but by friends. But not just friends collected, but friends connected. That, to me, is a true, sincere, genuine relationship :)

Happy Birthday to Me! :)

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows
Count your life by smiles, not tears.
And with joy on every birthday,
Count your age by friends, not years.

The "WOW!" of Vows

Vows. Promises. Word of Honour. We are familiar with them. We would have made some vows, some promises and words of honour at various times of our lives to various people: Our spouses, our employers, our country (through the pledge), even our parents and friends.

Question is: What is the real significance when we uttered those vows and promises? Is it still relevant in the modern 21st century where people no longer take their vows and promises seriously in the light of a self-serving environment? Yes, ours is the proverbial “I’ll do my best, but NO PROMISES…” Sounds familiar? You just hate it when someone disclaimed their liabilities and make light their expectation to deliver. In other words, is there a wow factor in the vow anymore in these age?

I believe there is meaning and purpose behind every well-crafted vow and promise. It is the purpose behind these words that give them significance. Essentially, it is an agreement and determination to be true and stay true. The Bible calls this consecration. Set aside. To be given priority. To be held above all else.

Is this mentality the driving force of your vows and promises – to be true and stay true? Even when the circumstances when you made those vows have changed? I drew inspirations from the sermon I heard 2 week ago about the Nazirite vow. The nature might be different but I think the application is the same.

Recently, I heard and witnessed a lot of couples struggling to keep their marriage intact and in place. Some resented their spouse. Some rejected each other already. Some get distracted by third parties and abandoned their first love. Some claimed that they have tried and exhausted all means for reconciliation.

Bullshit!
Excuses!!
Liars!!!!!!!

Truth is: They just don't want to...

Some becomes outlaws with their in-laws. Joking still, some said, "Divorce? Never! Murder? Maybe!" Husbands and wives stayed on the lifeless marriage because of the house, the kids, the finances, even ...the dog. Sad but true. How to salvage?

I believe we need to return to the very first altar when things began. Go back to the history. Why we get together in the first place? Let’s examine the basic tenets of the vow and then cast it against the backdrop of our marital vow.

A. It is all about BEING DEDICATED TO

When one make a vow (to a spouse), it is meant to be wholly dedicated to him or her. Or in another version, says “to belong to in a special way”. There are 4 possible reasons why someone would dedicate to another as spouse:

To make a ransom demand: “I dedicate myself to you, and you MUST DO THIS AND THIS….” A spouse-napper.
To gain a reward: “I dedicate myself to you so that you WILL GIVE ME…OR I WANT THIS….” A Things-Lover.
To repay a favour: “I dedicate myself to you because you HAVE DONE THIS FOR ME…..........” A grateful-partner.
A committed love response: “I dedicate myself to you because I want to bless you and make your joy my No.1 priority”.
A True Lover.

Don’t be a Things-Lover or Spouse-napper.

B. It is all about BEING SEPARATED FROM

When you study it, the Marriage Vow has at least 4 interesting features:

1. It is unique and exclusive. (Forsaking all, be faithful to ONE)
2. It is public. (In the presence of God and these witnesses…)
3. It is costly. (In sickness or health, through good/ bad times, for better/ worst, in plenty/ in want…no matter come what may… )
4. It is temporal. (as in till death do us part and be re-united when Christ returns)

Don’t let anything come in between the marriage. The union is non-negotiable. Divorce is not an option. Don’t make convenient excuses and look for way out at the very first sign of trouble. That is the summation of the vows. Being “separated from” others to be “alone with” each other.

C. It is all about BEING DESTINED FOR

When two individuals got married, the two shall become one. Problems start when the couples ask, “Which one”? Answer: Christ. That is the eventual destiny of the couple. One for another, both for the LORD (these were the words engraved on the inside of our wedding bands). There is a higher upward agenda then just mastering transitions from young married to old grandparents. When both couple seeks to draw near and imitate Christ, the two shall become spiritually one, not just mere physical or mental or social oneness. The vow seeks unity and oneness in Christ.

Inadvertently, when the vow is threatened or broken, I believe God has made provision for reinstatement, through a journey of healing and restoration by grace through faith and scriptures. I will not dwell on inner healing here. The main focus here is the centrality of the vow.

For young couples starting out, remember the vow you took. They are sacred. Don't lose sight.

For older couples who are struggling, remember the vow you took. Consecrate yourself anew and afresh to each other. Don't lose hope. Don’t give up, or give in to temptations. Be willing to pay the price, any price, to finish well.

Go.
Press on.
Dedicate yourself to God.
Consecrate your marriage again.
The goal is to not just start but finish well.
The bumps on the road are what we climb on to progress.
A good and strong marriage takes lots of effort and sacrifice….and… it is worth everything.

Of Misrepresentation & Degree Mills!

After following the "Dr" Claim-en Chiang's saga for the past few days, my curiosity got the better of me. I went to google what degree mills are, and so I cut-and-paste the entire top portion for my readers below.

Now, Eagleboy remembered attending one of his "free" seminar also, round about last year. The remembrence still carried with it some post-indigestion churnings in the stomach. I could still feel the same old hardcore pressure-selling tactics to lure the un-initiated to sign up his so-called "Bao-Jiak" trading course. Sibeh sian one, listening to nothing but his metal credit card and some cave in Sentuksah...

Me, being the 'not-so-smart' one, of course missed the "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity to be his student. Sad to say, Eagleboy also didn't come from a very reputable education background. He only graduated from NUS, which he always believe it stands for: Nothing Up Stairs (in the thinking department). He can't be smart enough to sign up for such a deal. Afterall, it is only $3800 what, and can use credit card and pay by instalments you know.

Suffice to say, there is no more stones around on the floor for me to cast now. All thrown already. Someone had already hurled the last one. I hate to say this but I am curious to find out how this poor ignorance bastard will defend himself. Afterall, if you claimed to carry a PhD, you cannot act "blur". That will put other PhDs in very bad lights, you know.

Now, I have always thought that PhD people have "Permanent Head Damage". But now I believe they "Purposely Hide their Deception". These people will have to "Pay Heftily until Dried". His "Program Has been Disrupted" and he will be on the "Public Hate-List Display".

But before all these shit, Eagleboy suggests the cockter better "Prepare His Defense" before a class-action suit!

Here's the site: http://www.chea.org/degreemills/frmPaper.htm

Diploma or degree mills come in many guises. Some degree mills blatantly offer to sell a degree and perhaps a transcript from a legitimate school. Others can be easily recognized by promising that an applicant can receive a degree in a very short period of time, sometimes as little as five days. Another type of degree mill will purport to look at an applicant’s life experience and award a degree based solely on a description of this experience. Others may require the student to submit papers or other assignments, but still will provide the degree in a short period of time with much less work than would be required by legitimate institutions. An advertisement that claims a student can “earn” a degree in much less time than it would take at a legitimate institution is likely evidence that the school is a degree mill.

Degree mills may resemble legitimate institutions in some ways. For example, many legitimate schools provide credit for life experience, but almost all of these schools require students to provide extensive documentation demonstrating how their experience relates to the learning objectives of the course or courses for which they are seeking credit and may require papers that relate the experience to the course requirements as well. Some schools will also provide opportunities for completing the requirements for a degree in a short period of time. Typically, however, these kinds of programs are intended for students who have completed a considerable number of college-level courses, perhaps at a number of institutions, but have not put these credits together to complete a degree.

Now, early in the 21st century, technology is the impetus for a renewed threat. In the past several years, concern over the problem of fraudulent operators has escalated because of the ease of creating a fraudulent institution on the Internet. A moderately skilled web designer can very easily and quickly create a home page for a fraudulent school with the look and feel of a home page of a legitimate school. Often, it is difficult if not impossible to track down the individuals responsible for perpetrating the fraud, and even if they were to be located, they could very well be operating from some location outside the jurisdiction of state or U.S. laws. It is likely that many of these fraudulent schools are also short-lived, making detection even more difficult. They can start up, collect considerable amounts of money from consumers, go out of business, change their name and emerge as a new entity in a very short period of time.

This is occurring at the same time that there is more and more pressure on individuals to earn degrees, not only bachelor’s degrees, but master’s and doctoral degrees as well. Jobs and promotions increasingly go to individuals with the greatest educational qualifications, even when individuals’ work experience may be more relevant to the job than is a degree. This creates pressures on individuals to obtain degrees, tempting some to take the easy route to a degree – the degree mill.

Taken from CHEA
Council for Higher Education Accreditation

Unemployment - Hope for Those Between Jobs

Unemployment. Retrenchment. Job loss. All these increase a person's risk of depression and self-doubt. Different people react differently to unemployment, or the possibility of it. When word is out that their company is planning a major downsizing, or when the actual retrenchment comes, some feel vulnerable and anxious. Some are concerned about providing for family. Others are depressed that they cannot afford to continue to live in luxury. Still others are bitter that they got axed.

Whatever the emotions, being without job or unemployed is painful.

In the current global financial crisis and recession, it is inevitable that we will know of friends and loved ones who are (or will be) affected by retrenchment. How is the retrenched person to cope? What can we as friends do?

I would like to approach this sensitive issue from two front: First, my response as a friend, and second, the response as a retrenched person.

1. Response as a Friend.

We must be understanding. Job loss put people of all ages and social status into a period of agonizing uncertainty.
We must be encouraging. It is a tough period of life. A warm friendship that gently points a person to God or to some source of hope is comforting.
We must be sensitive. Don’t assume that the person can join you in outings, vacations or eating out as readily as before. Genuinely offer to pay for them (especially those with children)
We must be helpful. Perhaps you know of a temporary job to recommend. Or volunteer to take the kids out. Or offer some practical helps. It is appreciated even if the offer is not taken.
We must be prayerful (for those who believe in God). God answers prayer and people (not just the Christians) appreciate being prayed for. Lets rally around that person or family in prayer.

2. Response as a Retrenched Person/ Christian.

Replace Worry with Trust. Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt6:33). Hold fast to the promises of God!
Walk closer with God. Some Christian friends have testified that in the previous recession, the retrenchment was the best things that had happened in their lives because they tend to walk closer with God and align their agendas spiritually.
Determine God’s Purpose. Crisis refines us. Our response to crisis defines us. There is purpose in the midst of pain. We can choose to be better or bitter. Knowing God’s purpose in our life helps us to be better.
Use your Time wisely. Don’t stay at home in front of the TV and wallow in self-pity. Invest your time to do what you have always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. Also, plan a definite number of hours each day to search for a job, and stick to it. Don’t let closed doors discourage you.
Join a support Group (like church group). God never intends for us to walk and struggle alone, but rather for us to be in a community. Learn to minister to each other and build each other up in the same crisis!
Review your Budget. Establish a low budget during the job search period. Simplify your life. Some luxuries can do without some times. Discourage the use of credit cards during days of financial uncertainty.
Resist the Temptation to do away with Tithing. Sure. Review it. But don’t stop giving. Even if it’s a “widow’s mite”. Given in the right spirit, God will honour it. God is no man’s debtor!

Faith does not preclude an absence of troubles in life. Rather, true faith allows for problems in life and yet trusts God to be the anchor in those storms. Jesus said that when these storms come, they actually test the foundation of our life, whether it has been built on solid rock or sinking sand (Matt 7:24). Hold fast to God’s word. Respond aright in crisis that God might bring us through the crisis. In Christ, we are victors of our circumstances, not victims.