If I Had My Child To Raise All Over Again...

I came across this email the other day, and thought it was timely to share with all the parents out there. Like them, I have a 5-year-old boy (little Eaglet) and watching him grow everyday is both a privilege and a blessings. Hopefully this short little message will help us set our compass right. Here we go:

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I would build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I would finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting,
I would take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I would take more hikes and fly more kites,
I would stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I would do more hugging and less tugging.
I would see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I would model less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.

Happy reflecting and hopefully gain some bearings :)

Relationship: Collecting or Connecting Friends?

It is official. Today is my first day...as a 37 year-old man now. I have survived thus far, eating without being eaten. Thank God!

Over the last 72 hours had been exciting. Emails poured in, Facebook walls posted, SMSes recieved, phone calls, even my good old mailbox recieved birthday cards around this season of the year. Well, it's my birthday afterall :)

Talking about birthday, I am not that into cakes or gifts nowadays. Really. I have too much things already, and thankfully I have practically everything I need. So presents are not essentials. I just want to spend some meaningful time with my loved ones, friends and significant others. That to me is more important now. Get connected with loved ones. Relationsips, in short.

No wonder Pastor Bill Hybel said "relationships are the only reality in this universe". People, not things, counts. Relationships matter. So when I looked back at this road I've travelled, I asked myself how many relationships have I forged over the years. Or was it merely a collection of names and numbers here and there?

Interestingly, when I was much younger, I often asked myself do I have at least 6 good solid friends who will carry my coffin when I died. Quite silly consider the fact that here in Singapore nobody carry coffin for their deceased family members or friends. But it forces me to evaluate and take stock of what is important in life. When we are confronted with the fraility and finality of our existence, we are often reminded of our purpose and mission on earth.

More critical is what will my loved ones and friends write on my tombstone given a chance? Will they describe me as one who had impact their lives positively? Someone who make a difference in them? Will they regard me as a servant of Christ? A Faithful husband? A Loving Daddy? A Great Friend? I pray they will.

My age is but a number. But it reminds me that I am accountable to many, that I am steward to relationships, that I am a trustee to those who look to me for comfort and security, for guidance and inspiration. The bigger this age number, the larger my accountability and stewardship.

I have written this before here in my blog. But I felt it is timely to pull out this poem again, for it is so fitting to know that we should count our age not by years, but by friends. But not just friends collected, but friends connected. That, to me, is a true, sincere, genuine relationship :)

Happy Birthday to Me! :)

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows
Count your life by smiles, not tears.
And with joy on every birthday,
Count your age by friends, not years.

The "WOW!" of Vows

Vows. Promises. Word of Honour. We are familiar with them. We would have made some vows, some promises and words of honour at various times of our lives to various people: Our spouses, our employers, our country (through the pledge), even our parents and friends.

Question is: What is the real significance when we uttered those vows and promises? Is it still relevant in the modern 21st century where people no longer take their vows and promises seriously in the light of a self-serving environment? Yes, ours is the proverbial “I’ll do my best, but NO PROMISES…” Sounds familiar? You just hate it when someone disclaimed their liabilities and make light their expectation to deliver. In other words, is there a wow factor in the vow anymore in these age?

I believe there is meaning and purpose behind every well-crafted vow and promise. It is the purpose behind these words that give them significance. Essentially, it is an agreement and determination to be true and stay true. The Bible calls this consecration. Set aside. To be given priority. To be held above all else.

Is this mentality the driving force of your vows and promises – to be true and stay true? Even when the circumstances when you made those vows have changed? I drew inspirations from the sermon I heard 2 week ago about the Nazirite vow. The nature might be different but I think the application is the same.

Recently, I heard and witnessed a lot of couples struggling to keep their marriage intact and in place. Some resented their spouse. Some rejected each other already. Some get distracted by third parties and abandoned their first love. Some claimed that they have tried and exhausted all means for reconciliation.

Bullshit!
Excuses!!
Liars!!!!!!!

Truth is: They just don't want to...

Some becomes outlaws with their in-laws. Joking still, some said, "Divorce? Never! Murder? Maybe!" Husbands and wives stayed on the lifeless marriage because of the house, the kids, the finances, even ...the dog. Sad but true. How to salvage?

I believe we need to return to the very first altar when things began. Go back to the history. Why we get together in the first place? Let’s examine the basic tenets of the vow and then cast it against the backdrop of our marital vow.

A. It is all about BEING DEDICATED TO

When one make a vow (to a spouse), it is meant to be wholly dedicated to him or her. Or in another version, says “to belong to in a special way”. There are 4 possible reasons why someone would dedicate to another as spouse:

To make a ransom demand: “I dedicate myself to you, and you MUST DO THIS AND THIS….” A spouse-napper.
To gain a reward: “I dedicate myself to you so that you WILL GIVE ME…OR I WANT THIS….” A Things-Lover.
To repay a favour: “I dedicate myself to you because you HAVE DONE THIS FOR ME…..........” A grateful-partner.
A committed love response: “I dedicate myself to you because I want to bless you and make your joy my No.1 priority”.
A True Lover.

Don’t be a Things-Lover or Spouse-napper.

B. It is all about BEING SEPARATED FROM

When you study it, the Marriage Vow has at least 4 interesting features:

1. It is unique and exclusive. (Forsaking all, be faithful to ONE)
2. It is public. (In the presence of God and these witnesses…)
3. It is costly. (In sickness or health, through good/ bad times, for better/ worst, in plenty/ in want…no matter come what may… )
4. It is temporal. (as in till death do us part and be re-united when Christ returns)

Don’t let anything come in between the marriage. The union is non-negotiable. Divorce is not an option. Don’t make convenient excuses and look for way out at the very first sign of trouble. That is the summation of the vows. Being “separated from” others to be “alone with” each other.

C. It is all about BEING DESTINED FOR

When two individuals got married, the two shall become one. Problems start when the couples ask, “Which one”? Answer: Christ. That is the eventual destiny of the couple. One for another, both for the LORD (these were the words engraved on the inside of our wedding bands). There is a higher upward agenda then just mastering transitions from young married to old grandparents. When both couple seeks to draw near and imitate Christ, the two shall become spiritually one, not just mere physical or mental or social oneness. The vow seeks unity and oneness in Christ.

Inadvertently, when the vow is threatened or broken, I believe God has made provision for reinstatement, through a journey of healing and restoration by grace through faith and scriptures. I will not dwell on inner healing here. The main focus here is the centrality of the vow.

For young couples starting out, remember the vow you took. They are sacred. Don't lose sight.

For older couples who are struggling, remember the vow you took. Consecrate yourself anew and afresh to each other. Don't lose hope. Don’t give up, or give in to temptations. Be willing to pay the price, any price, to finish well.

Go.
Press on.
Dedicate yourself to God.
Consecrate your marriage again.
The goal is to not just start but finish well.
The bumps on the road are what we climb on to progress.
A good and strong marriage takes lots of effort and sacrifice….and… it is worth everything.

Of Misrepresentation & Degree Mills!

After following the "Dr" Claim-en Chiang's saga for the past few days, my curiosity got the better of me. I went to google what degree mills are, and so I cut-and-paste the entire top portion for my readers below.

Now, Eagleboy remembered attending one of his "free" seminar also, round about last year. The remembrence still carried with it some post-indigestion churnings in the stomach. I could still feel the same old hardcore pressure-selling tactics to lure the un-initiated to sign up his so-called "Bao-Jiak" trading course. Sibeh sian one, listening to nothing but his metal credit card and some cave in Sentuksah...

Me, being the 'not-so-smart' one, of course missed the "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity to be his student. Sad to say, Eagleboy also didn't come from a very reputable education background. He only graduated from NUS, which he always believe it stands for: Nothing Up Stairs (in the thinking department). He can't be smart enough to sign up for such a deal. Afterall, it is only $3800 what, and can use credit card and pay by instalments you know.

Suffice to say, there is no more stones around on the floor for me to cast now. All thrown already. Someone had already hurled the last one. I hate to say this but I am curious to find out how this poor ignorance bastard will defend himself. Afterall, if you claimed to carry a PhD, you cannot act "blur". That will put other PhDs in very bad lights, you know.

Now, I have always thought that PhD people have "Permanent Head Damage". But now I believe they "Purposely Hide their Deception". These people will have to "Pay Heftily until Dried". His "Program Has been Disrupted" and he will be on the "Public Hate-List Display".

But before all these shit, Eagleboy suggests the cockter better "Prepare His Defense" before a class-action suit!

Here's the site: http://www.chea.org/degreemills/frmPaper.htm

Diploma or degree mills come in many guises. Some degree mills blatantly offer to sell a degree and perhaps a transcript from a legitimate school. Others can be easily recognized by promising that an applicant can receive a degree in a very short period of time, sometimes as little as five days. Another type of degree mill will purport to look at an applicant’s life experience and award a degree based solely on a description of this experience. Others may require the student to submit papers or other assignments, but still will provide the degree in a short period of time with much less work than would be required by legitimate institutions. An advertisement that claims a student can “earn” a degree in much less time than it would take at a legitimate institution is likely evidence that the school is a degree mill.

Degree mills may resemble legitimate institutions in some ways. For example, many legitimate schools provide credit for life experience, but almost all of these schools require students to provide extensive documentation demonstrating how their experience relates to the learning objectives of the course or courses for which they are seeking credit and may require papers that relate the experience to the course requirements as well. Some schools will also provide opportunities for completing the requirements for a degree in a short period of time. Typically, however, these kinds of programs are intended for students who have completed a considerable number of college-level courses, perhaps at a number of institutions, but have not put these credits together to complete a degree.

Now, early in the 21st century, technology is the impetus for a renewed threat. In the past several years, concern over the problem of fraudulent operators has escalated because of the ease of creating a fraudulent institution on the Internet. A moderately skilled web designer can very easily and quickly create a home page for a fraudulent school with the look and feel of a home page of a legitimate school. Often, it is difficult if not impossible to track down the individuals responsible for perpetrating the fraud, and even if they were to be located, they could very well be operating from some location outside the jurisdiction of state or U.S. laws. It is likely that many of these fraudulent schools are also short-lived, making detection even more difficult. They can start up, collect considerable amounts of money from consumers, go out of business, change their name and emerge as a new entity in a very short period of time.

This is occurring at the same time that there is more and more pressure on individuals to earn degrees, not only bachelor’s degrees, but master’s and doctoral degrees as well. Jobs and promotions increasingly go to individuals with the greatest educational qualifications, even when individuals’ work experience may be more relevant to the job than is a degree. This creates pressures on individuals to obtain degrees, tempting some to take the easy route to a degree – the degree mill.

Taken from CHEA
Council for Higher Education Accreditation

Unemployment - Hope for Those Between Jobs

Unemployment. Retrenchment. Job loss. All these increase a person's risk of depression and self-doubt. Different people react differently to unemployment, or the possibility of it. When word is out that their company is planning a major downsizing, or when the actual retrenchment comes, some feel vulnerable and anxious. Some are concerned about providing for family. Others are depressed that they cannot afford to continue to live in luxury. Still others are bitter that they got axed.

Whatever the emotions, being without job or unemployed is painful.

In the current global financial crisis and recession, it is inevitable that we will know of friends and loved ones who are (or will be) affected by retrenchment. How is the retrenched person to cope? What can we as friends do?

I would like to approach this sensitive issue from two front: First, my response as a friend, and second, the response as a retrenched person.

1. Response as a Friend.

We must be understanding. Job loss put people of all ages and social status into a period of agonizing uncertainty.
We must be encouraging. It is a tough period of life. A warm friendship that gently points a person to God or to some source of hope is comforting.
We must be sensitive. Don’t assume that the person can join you in outings, vacations or eating out as readily as before. Genuinely offer to pay for them (especially those with children)
We must be helpful. Perhaps you know of a temporary job to recommend. Or volunteer to take the kids out. Or offer some practical helps. It is appreciated even if the offer is not taken.
We must be prayerful (for those who believe in God). God answers prayer and people (not just the Christians) appreciate being prayed for. Lets rally around that person or family in prayer.

2. Response as a Retrenched Person/ Christian.

Replace Worry with Trust. Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt6:33). Hold fast to the promises of God!
Walk closer with God. Some Christian friends have testified that in the previous recession, the retrenchment was the best things that had happened in their lives because they tend to walk closer with God and align their agendas spiritually.
Determine God’s Purpose. Crisis refines us. Our response to crisis defines us. There is purpose in the midst of pain. We can choose to be better or bitter. Knowing God’s purpose in our life helps us to be better.
Use your Time wisely. Don’t stay at home in front of the TV and wallow in self-pity. Invest your time to do what you have always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. Also, plan a definite number of hours each day to search for a job, and stick to it. Don’t let closed doors discourage you.
Join a support Group (like church group). God never intends for us to walk and struggle alone, but rather for us to be in a community. Learn to minister to each other and build each other up in the same crisis!
Review your Budget. Establish a low budget during the job search period. Simplify your life. Some luxuries can do without some times. Discourage the use of credit cards during days of financial uncertainty.
Resist the Temptation to do away with Tithing. Sure. Review it. But don’t stop giving. Even if it’s a “widow’s mite”. Given in the right spirit, God will honour it. God is no man’s debtor!

Faith does not preclude an absence of troubles in life. Rather, true faith allows for problems in life and yet trusts God to be the anchor in those storms. Jesus said that when these storms come, they actually test the foundation of our life, whether it has been built on solid rock or sinking sand (Matt 7:24). Hold fast to God’s word. Respond aright in crisis that God might bring us through the crisis. In Christ, we are victors of our circumstances, not victims.

Huperetes

"Huperetes" - literally means bottom-rower or under-rowers. Servants, in today's context.

"I have appeared to you for this purpose, to make you a huperetes (bottom rower)..."
Acts 26:16

These are the words of the Lord to the Apostle Paul on the road to Damascus. Paul, considered by many to be the greatest Apostle, was not called to be a mighty pastor, or evangelist, or even given a prominance among the twelve. He was simply called to be a bottom rower, a lowly galley slave...chained in place, never seeing where he was going, always moving with the same stroke at the will and command of the Master. No glory!

Many people today decide on their own that the Lord has called them to be something glorified. Maybe you think you ought to be the captain, or the helmsman, or even a mighty marine ready for battle. In reality, the Lord has called you to be a bottom rower. How do we know? Because He is the Captain, He is the Helmsman, He is the Soldier. All things are done for His glory, not ours. He asks us to walk in faith one step at a time, one stroke of the oar at a time.

Ours is an age of consumerism. An ungodly and carnal generation totally immersed in the preoccupation with 'my rights' and 'my choices'. There is a radical need to be tutored to serve God on His terms, not ours. We are taught the great reversal - the greater to serve the lesser.

Four key enemies to a servant of Christ, a 'huperetes'; four key spirits of our age. They are:

A consumer spirit - We fight for our rights, but go light on our responsibilities. There is nothing inherently wrong with having rights, it is dangerous when we only want our rights but discard the associating responsibilities. Many didn't know that with rights comes responsibilities. A consumer says "What's in for me?" A servant says "Can I serve you?" We need to cultivate a serving spirit. Don't covet.

A competitive spirit - We compete all the time, and on just about anything. Best view, best seats, best spot, VIP treatment, best coverage, best floor, best car, best corner office, best work table, the list goes on. The problem with competition is the "at any cost" mentality. The "to be top at all cost" attitude sabotages the proper process and posture for promotion to such high places and positions. We need to cultivate a grateful spirit. Don't exploit.

A compromising spirit - We go easy on ourselves, all the time. We lower the standards over the years for ourselves, gives excuses, and cut corners, but only for ourselves. The moral line is blurred or non-existing. A little here, a little there, we compromise and leak, a drop at a time. We need to cultivate a spirit of moral excellence. Don't succumb under.

A complaining spirit.
The best part is, if others demand some rights from us, or compromise, or just do the same things mentioned above to us, we complain, get mad, and get even. Worst, we get bitter. It is always their fault. They shouldn't do this to me. I demand a reason for such treatment...and so on. We complain because we do not regard that God is in control, and therefore we often take matters into our own hands. We need to cultivate a meek spirit. Don't churn within.

Such carnal mindsets must go for a huperetes. We are called to radical & authentic servanthood. Today is that day.

说好的幸福呢? by Jay Chou

歌曲：说好的幸福呢
歌手：周杰伦
专辑：魔杰座

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了
情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这
真的痛了

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
我都还记得
你不等了
说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

If You throw Mud, You lose Ground...

"If you throw mud, you just lose ground...is it worth it?"

I still remember a dear brother who spoke this words to me many years ago. I was less wiser then. He was my mentor, my friend, my brother in the faith, and a fellow co-labourerer in the church worship team. These words still sticked to me till this day.

As a young man then, I was unpolished, ill-disciplined, and hot-headed. I was foolish. I resented been told what to do. I just want to tell others what to do. I was proud and self-centred. In fact, I was insecure. I challenged leadership and authority. Bad ideas. My pride and insecurity had led to my inability to work as a team, or held any leadership role, for long. When confronted or counselled by my leaders, I was always defensive and judgemental, and usually left a trail of body counts. I have repented ever since.

This crisis of authority issue led me to read a very special book called "The Tale of Three Kings". It was from my mentor. It talks about a king who likes to throw spears at others when he felt threatened or insecured. One particular and unfortunate target was a young man who will one day succeed him as the next king. However, this young man had to go through harsh and life-threatening treatments under the current mad king. One simple solution to end all this is to just yanked the spear out of the wall and ...right...throw bad. But he didn't. He knows what submission means, and gladly obeyed.

The message from the book left a lasting and deep inprint in my life about submission and authority. It drilled a strong foundation in my conviction about certain things in life today. Now, years later, when I looked back, I am thankful for the love shown to me from these people who chastized and refined me. I can see further today because these spiritual giants had at some point in my life hoisted me on their shoulders and carry me through.

Well, there are still times when I felt the temptations to throw back spears that were hauled at me. I have found strength available to refrain from that these days. I used to find strength big enough to throw back twice the speed and impact. But it is not necessary now, and I am thankful. My spear-throwing days are over.

We all move on. We either get better or worse. I have chosen to get better, and better I know I have been. God has healed many wounds in my heart over the years, and has restored my trust in His goodness and faithfulness. I am secured as a son is before his father. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

This is not my recent encounter or experience. I have always wanted to write about this years back, when I carried my first-born son in my arms. I looked into his eyes, and then I saw my Father's heart for me. What I desire for my son is exactly what my Father desires for me. I finally got in touch with that child in me when I became a father myself. This is a paradox. A watershed point. A breakthrough. A valley-to-mountain experience.

I will end this note with a quote from Rubel Shelly. It was this quote that led me to write this entry today.

"If criticism is mistaken or mean-spirited, rise above it. Maintain the high ground when you're under fire. No victory is worth winning at the expense of picking up the mud that has been slung at you and throwing it back."

Rubel Shelly

Come soar with me :)

Valentine's Day

I came across this heart warming article about love, and although Valentine's Day is over, it is a good reminder and reflection of what love looks like in and from the eyes on these young ones. And as usual, this is my gift of words to you.

*******************************************************************************
When Children Ages 4-8 were asked What Love Is

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca - age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.'
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day..'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one:

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

******************************************************************************

Wow, listen to this 4-year-old boy! He understood what many adults (men) don't - Tears. I wrote a song for my wife some time ago. There was this one line that says, "Every time I hear you cry, I'll cry with you."

It was Orid who wrote that "Tears are sometimes more eloquent than words." Orid, 43 BC - AD 17.

Well, Valentine's Day comes and goes each year, and so is life. But what make this life so special is the relationship and bonds we built over time, each and every time, even after we are long gone. Our children sees the love that we shared among us, and learn to love. And who says that only we can teach them how to love?

We need love's tender lessons taught,
As only weakness can;
God hath His small interpreters,
The child must teach the man.

-Author unknown

Happy Valentine's Day!

8 Lessons I learnt from "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards" - Soren Kierkegaard
(words that appear in the movie trailer)

Time : 2 hrs and 47 min
Theatre : Orchard Cineleisure
Ticket price : $8

The themes centre on love, time, aging, youth, changes, death, the impermanence of life and the reality of relationships and bonds that last a lifetime.

Mark Twain once wrote: “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.” In a way, it is like saying "youth is wasted on the young". Upon this quote a story was born (a story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald) and thereafter a movie was made.

For me, this is an epic tale that makes one contemplate the wonders of life, of birth and death, and most of all, love. It touches on questions we ask ourselves and choices we opt over the course of a lifetime. The backbone of this story is the developing relationship between 2 individuals, Benjamin and Daisy. And the plot is the tension that brews as Daisy grows older while Benjamin becomes younger each and every day.

I am deeply awed by the way the movie unfolds itself. The story begins in New Orleans at the end of WW1 in 1918 with the unveiling of a giant clock in the grand central train station. The clock runs backward in memory of the fallen soldiers who will never know a future. It was a heart-broken scene. He was a father, and so am I. I can identify his heartbeat.

Lets look at the individuals. They all represent something to me.

The central, emotional core of the movie is, of course, Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt). He represents for me a man, like anyone of us, who is unable to stop time or reverse it (unlike the clock-maker). However, he is also a man who has a life unlike any others. An extraordinary life journey. His is the odd condition that makes him grow younger instead of older.

Interestingly, just like the story of Forrest Gump, a sense of wonder is a trademark of Benjamin's personality. From start to finish, this character tries to be himself, accepting his flaws and celebrating his strengths as a human being: "It's never too late or too early to be whoever you want to be."

Daisy (Blanchett) represents the life of anyone too caught up in the drama and excitement of career and friends (the artistic kind). More importantly, she embodies a woman, who has to make peace with the idea of growing older while the person she loves is getting younger. She represents everybody's common fear of growing old, and losing the ability to maintain or hold on to life's various positions and demands.

Queenie (the woman who adopted Benjamin) gives the story it’s grace and warmth. Her unconditional love toward Benjamin and others is breathtaking. In fact, she is probably the only woman who ever really deserves Benjamin's love. She is the true heart and soul behind Benjamin’s story and without her it would never have carried the emotional weight it reached. She represents our parents or folks who love us unconditionally, and have a genuine interest in our well-being, without any selfish personal agenda.

Thomas Button (Benjamin's father) represents a kind of successful but lonely man in this world, and eventually an old man who is dying and wants to reconnect with the boy he ditched years ago. Thankfully, instead of showing anger or seeking revenge, Benjamin treats him with kindly compassion for he has come to realize that death is a tender moment that must be treated with respect and dignity.

Some segments of the story that deserved contemplations due to their ironical prepositions:

One of these is when he turns away Daisy as she makes sexual advances towards him while the two are in their 20th years of their lives. With her at the age of 20s and him physically closer to 60 it was a sweet and poignant decision on his part. Later, when they are closer to the same age (both in their 40s), he does not reject her advances proving he was wiser about when to accept her into his arms then instead of when she was at the younger, more foolish age.

Another focuses on the part that preaches the belief of fate. There is a line of dialogue that states our lives are predetermined and you go where fate takes you. Much like chaos theory in reasoning. The scene describes an accident that could have been prevented if only one of a large number of incidents had occurred differently. I would say that if only she turns and checks on the on-coming traffic the entire outcome would have been altered. There is no need to read too much too far behind. Period.

Still another one focuses on the brief but highly charged affairs between Benjamin and a British spy's wife. It is ironical that a spy didn't pick up any sign or signal from his "radar" that his wife was fooling around. While he is checking our the enemies, his wife is checking out Benjamin. And like any spy, she disappeared quietly too.

Lastly, it is the part that Benjamin left Daisy and his daughter. When a person is growing younger and watches their child growing older, it can cause fear and, while Benjamin explains his honest belief that what he is doing is right, it seems to be the worst thing he could do at the time. Even looking back and seeing he might have been right in this important decision, it still seems selfish as he continues his life free from the responsibilities he should be bearing. Ironically, he did exactly what his father did years ago - abandoning the child.

Lessons learnt from the movie:

1. It doesn’t make any difference whether you live your life backwards or forwards; it’s how you live your life. Choose your guiding principles wisely and live by purpose.

2. You have people and things for a certain amount of time, and then you have to be okay with letting go. You can take what you can from it while it’s here, but it’s never yours. Time can be cruel or kind to different people at different times. The only way to walk this journey is with an open heart and thankful spirit. Open to recieve, thankful when let go.

3. There was never a pity party for Benjamin. So must we. Learn to love yourself and appreciated the fact that you are different but never let your handicaps stop you from doing or achieving what you want to achieve in life.

4. I am reminded that love goes beyond age and beauty. It involves a connection between individuals. I will seek to build and nourish that connection with my loved ones, and significant others.

5. Benjamin learns how to let go and not to cling to anyone. But more importantly, to cherish those that are still around us. An old lady in the retirement home told him "We're meant to lose the people we love. How else will we know how much they meant to us?" For that, I would add that he who lost much, love much.

6. I have learned the most, strangely, from this odd duck called Captain Mike. His famous wisdom was in his dialouge with Benjamin, and I quote, "You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go." Atlas, letting go. Something so important yet so difficult to practise, isn't it?

7. I have learned to enjoy watching sunrise. I will make plans to do it at least once every year.

8. I have learned the importance of one-to-one bonding, through late night kitchen rendezvous. I will schedule regular tea or coffee time with my wife after my boy boy falls asleep. Ritualizing routines rekindle romance! For me, dating my wife all over again is not only necessary, but essential! Remember this 4 'R's :) but do it with the right woman, okay :P

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button reminds us that the best thing we can do is make the most of our journey and be thankful for the people we meet along the way. It's all a gift. Benjamin embodies the zest for life described in one of my favorite quotations by Diane Ackerman:

"The great affair, the love affair with life, is to live as variously as possible, to groom one's curiosity like a high-spirited thoroughbred, climb aboard, and gallop over the thick, sunstruck hills every day. . . It began as mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful country lies in between."

Benjamin also reminds us that life is what we make of it - no matter how different we may be from what people expect, no matter who leaves us breaking our heart, or doesn’t choose us because of how we look. Instead, life is just moments to be enjoyed, a story to be told. Take things as they come and you can always learn something new no matter how old, or in this case young, you may get.

The best part of life doesn't just came at the beginning, nor the worst part at the end. I see Benjamin's journey as a privilege, just like mine. If he did not consider and consent that he's got the worst of both worlds, we should not.

Believe.
Press on and live.
Fight against the odds.
Rest if you must, but don't stop.

Carpediem - Seize the Day! (and time as well!)

A Valentine's Day Poem

They tell you what to eat and wear,
And how you should love and care.
So they created a day called "Valentine's",
When love becomes very blind.
They sell you roses costing ten times more,
For fifty, they'll take it to her door.
If love is measured by roses red,
What happens when they droop and fade?
Candlelight dinner you can't afford,
Can't tell her, or your status will drop.
If love is measured by where we dine,
What happens when stomach's not fine?
Fanciful costly card you must buy,
Everyone's doing it, so you don't ask why.
If love is measured by what's on a card,
What happens when words fail the heart?
Newspapers want to make money too,
Reserve love columns just for you.
If love is measured by such publicity,
What happens when faced with the ordinary?
Why let love be so commercialised,
An annual affair, reduced to a price.
Senseless competition of status and style,
By those all geared up to make a big pile.
It's the giving of yourself each day,
In the many small and simple ways.
That make you a true and precious friend,
Who will live and love till the very end.

Happy Valentine's Day :)

In This Life - by Collin Raye

Song: In This Life
Singer: Collin Raye

For all i've been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
With one honest touch you set me free

Let the world stop turnin'
Let the sun stop burnin'
Let them tell me
Love's not worth goin' through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered
Had come true

In this life i was loved by you

For every mountain i have climbed
Every raging river crossed
You were the treasure
That i longed to find
Without your love i would be lost

Let the world stop turnin'
Let the sun stop burnin'
Let them tell me
Love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered
Had come true

In this life i was loved by you
In this life i was loved by you

To my beloved wife...I.N.G.

My First Movie of the Year 2009 - Inkheart

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"Every Story Written is just Waiting to Become Real"
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Mo Folchart (Brendan Fraiser) is a "Silvertongue" -- one of a rare few who can "read" characters out of books and bring them to life. Sadly, he discovers this trait one night while entertaining his wife Resa (Sienna Guillory) and their daughter Meggie (Eliza Bennett). While indulging in a passage from the fantasy novel Inkheart, he unleashes fire juggler Dustfinger (Paul Bettany) while accidentally sending his spouse into the tome. Now, 10 years later, Mo is still looking to save her, even though his efforts have let loose more fictional faces from the book, including evil master thief Capricorn (Andy Serkis). But the criminal is not content with being a viable member of the real world. He wants to rule all of mankind, and wants Mo to help him in this horrible pursuit.
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It's a conceit of the movie that, whenever a Silvertongue releases something from the world of books, someone disappears from the real-life world and enters the world of story. The last time he read characters into the world, his wife disappeared! Some viewers may be hoping that their mother-in-laws disappeared instead!
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Unfortunately, there are two negative consequences of this switch-and-subtract story element. The first, of lesser importance, is that it introduces a logistics problem that is never resolved. What happens to the people who are stuck in the fantasy world? Do they get to influence the world of fantasy and change the course of literature?
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The second, a much deeper problem, is that the device takes the one imaginative and potentially delightful aspect of the film - the prospect of story characters coming to life - and subdues it.
What we're left with is hardly inspired. Twelve years after the disappearance of his wife, Silvertongue is pursued by the wicked characters he released. They need his reading powers to loose yet more evil beings from the underworld, and once they capture him and his now-teenage daughter, the movie adopts the typical contours and landscape of an action movie.
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Yet "Inkheart" is even worse than most action movies in that it keeps a toe in whimsy, and this turns the film into an unpleasant hybrid - a children's fantasy in which everything has a sour cast, an action movie in which nothing is to be taken seriously. There's no heart, no working metaphor to the story.
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Helen Mirren turns up as Fraser's aunt, an outspoken bookworm. Midway through the movie, the aunt announces that she is going home and leaving the adventure. Later, she makes a perfunctory reappearance. Fact is, hers was probably the most striking character of all the cast!
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Playwright David Lindsay-Abaire penned the bigscreen adaptation of German author Cornelia Funke's fantasy novel, the first of a trilogy. "Inkspell" was published last fall, and "Inkdawn" will be out next year.

Family Tree of Wing Chun Boxing

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To all the Ip Man fans and Wing Chun fans :)

Life Consists of ...

Life consists in what a man is thinking of all day.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Credit Suisse's Prediction Bad for SPGs

I read from the Straits Times today that according to a new report from Credit Suisse, it was predicted that an astonishing 300,000 jobs could be lost in Singapore this year and next. Most of the workers to lose jobs would be foreigners, who...would then have to leave Singapore, which...would then lead to a decline in Singapore's population.

Less foreigners can be bad news for a lot of things here, among them, our SPGs (aka Sarong Party Girls). In the first place, I am not even sure if there is going to be a lot of partying going forward in the light of the economic crisis. They can still keep their sarongs, though...No? You mean their boyfriends also steal it and bring home with them?

You see, soon, many SPGs' "ang-moh" boyfriends will be leaving Singapore, some for good. Some just leave. Some leave a mess. Our SPGs have a few choices: Follow them whenever their boyfriends go, no more boyfriends, or find new ones. Life goes on, right, girls?

But I am afraid the party music may be fading.

You see, those foreigners who missed the axe, the remaining few (aka "remainers"), will most likely have their pay slashed, their work hours lengthened due to fewer colleagues in the office, or just covering that poor bastard that got axe hours ago.

These "remainers" will be pressured to work hard and not screw up the tiniest bit, least their turn to get chopped. So they work harder, come in earlier (which means no more late nights at the pubs with you SPGs), more on the ball during work time (means no more long lunches with you SPGs) or some secret escapee here and there during work hours.

In short, those remainers will have little or no time for their SPGs girlfriends.

In addition, the remainers will probably cut down on their use-to-be heavy spendings, on themselves? No! On their SPGs of course! Less flowers, less or no more Tiffany (Poh Heng may be a good alternative since gold price is quite soft now, among other things, you know), less high-end restaurants.

On the contrary, these remainers may have to downgrade from condos to HDBs, from private clubs to public pools, cars to motorcycles, gym memberships to a jog in Bishan Park. They may even consider the possibility of "digging" into the reserves of ...thier SPGs. Afterall, they should have some reserve right, shouldn't they? Most of them have enjoyed all-expensed-paid-for dates and trips. They should have some savings, hopefully. Savings is a no-brainer thingy, you know what I mean. Or did they just saved the underwears and polo-shirts of their boyfriends at home only? Not much worth though...

But all is not lost, my dear SPGs. You see, your current "ang-moh" boyfriends will not have the flare and fare to woo other SPGs liao. He will have no choice but to stick with the current loser SPG, till the next one is available. He will be less incline to have more than one "pet" because cat food is expansive! No pounds and pennies, no pets and pussies. After all, the SPGs are just their extra-curriculum activities, and extra curriculum needs extra...CASH! That can be done away for the time being.

Another good news for the SPGs. Since oil price is still low, and travel costs have drastically decreased, what better time than now to go buy a ticket on-line and fly to your boyfriends homeland, whenever it may be. Less SPGs here may not be a bad idea after all, and you will be the exotic foreign talent elsewhere. Good bye, and good luck to you. You won't be missed.

Okay, I may be joking about this whole thing at the expense of my expat friends. I apologise. If you are reading this, I hope it does not imply you. I just can't help letting my mind wonder off to the absurd eventuality as I ponder about my usual daily readings. It is not personal. Don't kill me even it is true about your life right now, whether you are that expat or the ...SPG!

Take A Step Forward...

If you have a great ambition, take as big a step as possible in the direction of fulfilling it. The step may only be a tiny one, but trust that it may be the largest one possible for now.

Mildred Mcafee


Recently, a lot of my friends got retrenched or laid off. The economic crisis is not abating and many of them are looking into other industries for jobs. Some of them are in their mid thirties. To this group, the change in job scope and industries can be a major challenge and paradigm shift.

I hope this quote from Mildred will encourage their hearts :)

Believe in Yourself? Half the truth only :)

Last night, I was at a company function and heard someone said, "After tomorrow, the White House will no longer be white"... haha. It brought the house down!

Today, Mr Obama took over and sworn in as the 44th President of the USA.

Many people asked: "Can Obama deliver"? Last week, I came across an interesting USA TODAY/ Gallup Poll. It seems that there are stratospheric expectations for Obama. A majority of those surveyed say Obama will be able to achieve every one of 10 major campaign promises. Every - Single - One!

I don't want to dampen hopes, and I'm not quoting this to make any predictions. But reading this poll just made me think to myself:

Why people often count on others to make changes or to deliver results?
How come it's easier for people to believe in someone they haven't met to make change in their lives, and yet they find it so hard to believe in themselves?

Isn't it time you believed in YOURSELF to make the change you want to see this year? But wait, that's not the reason why I blog this here. Believing in yourself is only half the equation.

Yes, you should believe in others sometimes, but there is One that you should believe in and put your hope and future in EVERYTIME - the LORD Jesus!

You see, those who quote that you should believe in yourself is only half correct. To me, believing in the One who changes not and who does not fail nor falter holds much more confidence than placing my trust in someone, met or not met, near or half way across the globe.

Who do you place your confidence in this year?

The Ultimate Measure of a Man

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Martin Luther King, Jr.
1929-1968,
American Civil Rights Leader

Rise with the Occasion

"The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion."

Abraham Lincoln (1809–1865)
16th President of the United States