Fools Detector

By much laughter you detect the fool.

- A Latin Proverb

Son of a Bitch!!!

A sixteen year old girl went to a priest for confession.

"Father, I called a guy son of a bitch yesterday."

"Why did you do that?" asked the priest.

"He touched my hand without my permission," replied the girl.

"Like this?" The priest touched her arm.

"Yes father."

"That is no reason to call him a son of a bitch." said the priest.

"He touched my breast too, father."

"Like this?" The priest touched her breast.

"Yes, father."

"That is still no reason for you to call him a son of a bitch." said the priest.

"He then took off my clothes!" said the girl.

"Like this?" The priest then took off her clothes.

"Yes, father." said the girl.

"That's too bad." said the priest, "But that is still no reason for you to call him son of a bitch."

"He then plugged his thing in my thing."

"Like this?" The priest then plugged his thing in her thing.

After catching her breath, the girl answered, "Yes, father."

"You still should not have called him a son of a bitch." said the priest.

"But father.."said the girl "..he has AIDS."

"SON OF A BITCH!!!" exclaimed the priest.

Optimists Are ...

Optimists enrich the present,
enhance the future,
challenge the improbable,
and attain the impossible.

- William Arthur Ward

Things Smart Kids Say To Their Teachers

TEACHER: Why are you late?
Teddy: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
Teddy: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Kelly, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Kelly: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: Albert, how do you spell "crocodile?"
Albert: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong!
Albert: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
Sally: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
Sally: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: David, go to the map and find North America.
David: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: David!

TEACHER: Peter, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Peter: Me!

TEACHER: Jimmy, why do you always get so dirty?
Jimmy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Sarah, give me a sentence starting with "I."
Sarah: I is...
TEACHER: No, Sarah..... Always say, "I am."
Sarah: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Jason: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Danny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

TEACHER: Now, Joe, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Joe: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Derrick, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Derrick: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

Edify in Advance

Edify a person in advance for the positive traits you want him or her to have, and you'll find them making a concerted effort to live up to your praise.

- Bob Burg

Different Kind of Stress

What's the difference between stress, tension & panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant;
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
PANIC is when both are pregnant!

Correcting the First

Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.

- Benjamin Franklin