Learn the 5 Language of Apology Part VI

After going through the 5 language of apology, here are some practical steps you can take:

Discover your primary apology language.
As you consider the five languages of apology, think about which one is most natural for you. Ask yourself: “What do I expect a person who has offended me to say or do that would make it possible for me to genuinely forgive him or her?”, “What hurts me most deeply about this situation?”, and “When I apologize to others, which of the five languages do I think is most important?”

Discover someone else’s apology language.
When you realize you’ve offended someone, ask: “What hurts you most about what I said or did?” In general, you can also ask: “Describe an apology someone once gave you that you considered insufficient. What was lacking?” and “When you express an apology to someone for something you have done that hurt him or her, what do you think is the most important part of an apology?”

Overcome barriers to apologizing.
Realize that all relationships are worth the effort to apologize. Ask God to motivate you to value your relationships enough to apologize whenever you’ve offended someone. Understand that even when the other person is most at fault in a certain situation, you can’t justify your own wrong behavior based on that fact. Be willing to apologize for your own part in marring the relationship. If you view apologizing as a sign of weakness, recognize that you have low self-esteem and seek counseling to develop a healthy self-image. Know that apologizing actually will enhance your self-esteem, because it will lead people to respect and admire you.

Don’t cheapen apologies.
Recognize that you don’t need to apologize anytime there’s any tension in one of your relationships, or anytime you simply irritate someone. Understand that apologies are designed to deal with moral failures. Don’t just assume that a stressful situation is your fault without truly thinking about it, and don’t apologize simply to avoid conflict and get an issue settled quickly. Know that a “peace at any price” mentality will only lead to simmering resentment. Don’t forgive someone too easily for seriously negative behavior that he or she should deal with; instead, hold the person accountable for it. Ask God to give you the courage you need to face issues honestly and wisely.

Adapted from:
The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships
by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, 2006