Musings

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I'm still trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Singaporeans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

TV ads show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a bloodstained T-shirt, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say "because it's such a beautiful animal." There you go I think. My mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket'? She sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too!"

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish-burger and I realize, "Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."