Steven Wright Humor 2

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.